


Nauthiz Hagalaz

by Amy326



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha Kylo Ren, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Boyfriend Poe, Creepy, Creepy Ben Solo, Dark, Dark Reylo, Eventual Poe Dameron/Finn, F/M, M/M, Minor Poe Dameron/Rey, Omega Rey (Star Wars), POV Rey (Star Wars), Protective Kylo Ren, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Rey Needs A Hug, Sleep Groping, Transformation, Unreliable Narrator, Virgin Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21992848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amy326/pseuds/Amy326
Summary: The title is composed of a set of runes. They have a meaning. lolRating and Warnings are subject to change as the story progresses.I watched Midsommar and loved it. Was inspired by the creepy atmosphere and characters.This isn't a retelling or even a re imagining of Star Wars in Midsommar.This is more a Midsommar AU with Star Wars characters.It will be creepy, dark, and romantic among other descriptive words.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 149
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a set up chapter to throw us into the world I am trying to create.**

**It will primarily, especially in the beginning will be Rey Pov, but might switch briefly in later chapters.**

**I want to create a universe where the Midsommar movie happened, but this is not the movie Midsommar retold with Star Wars characters.**

Rey had always been the good daughter.

At least she had liked to think so.

The oldest had expectations placed upon them that younger siblings didn’t.

So much was the divide between her and her sister Traci that most of the time she felt as if she was an orphan.

It didn’t help that she technically was an orphan.

It wasn’t her parents’ fault that they had believed they couldn’t have children, and so had done what most people who wanted but were unable to have a family have done.

They adopted the sad, cold little girl in the corner of the Eater European orphanage.

Needless to say, it came as a shock when a little less than two years later that her mother showed early signs of being with child.

Rey had been so terrified at first.

She knew what happened to the children who were in houses with the biological children.

They were abandoned, abused, or ignored.

After she tried to run away her parents had sat her down and explained that they loved her no less just because they were expecting another child.

That she would be a sister.

And they still loved her as much as ever.

Her tiny heart had warmed at the assurance she saw radiating from their eyes.

But Rey kept a tiny shred hidden away, her doubts, firsthand knowledge, odds.

If she kept that part cold and expectant of the blow, then that was for her to know and to not burden her parents with that.

In the end they had tried.

She knew that.

Especially when they were children.

She knew the age difference wasn’t easy.

They had a six-year-old and an infant.

In the span of two years.

Rey had wanted her hair brushed by her mother?

Traci needed changed and fed.

Rey would come home with an A?

Traci had to go to the park with their mother and father, no Rey or she would scream.

Rey would do chores without being prompted?

Traci needed their mother for some boy problem, all night and most of the next day.

Because it was the end of the world, surely.

No matter how much their parents doted on the needy younger child, it was never enough.

They all had eventually settled into a routine of them all slowly rotating around the orbit of Traci.

Rey didn’t blame Traci.

That's what she told herself anyway.

Traci was her sister, and she would always see that sweet baby face staring up at her as she had held her the first time.

Big dark eyes lined with black lashes blinked lazily at her. Soft rose petal mouth opened in a soft ‘O’ of wonder.

Rey had been smitten and determined to be the best big sister ever.

It had gone well for a few years.

Until it hadn’t.

The dark seeds of jealousy had manifested stealthily in the heart of Traci.

Rey couldn’t have pinpointed the exact date, or even the year, but one day Traci had just started to look at her differently.

Like Rey was her enemy, her rival.

It broke Rey’s heart.

But she refused to let it stop her from loving Traci.

Because all of the things Traci did clearly meant that she needed the love more than Rey did.

Right?

Nobody did the things or acted the way that Traci did unless they needed help.

And if Traci would whisper harshly to her about how she was adopted and unwanted then that wasn’t for her to run tattling to their parents.

Just a sigh and a tight smile was enough to make Traci have a breakdown at the lack of reaction.

One time that would always sit at the forefront of Rey’s mind would be the sweater incident.

She had been complimented on her favorite sweater that day, and by the guy she liked no less.

She had gushed about it to their mother for over an hour.

Only to find in ripped from the seams the next day in the dryer.

Excuses of ‘trying to help’ fell from smirking lips.

False apologies dripped from them like blood.

Those same lips that had smiled at her with so much innocence while they painted together.

None of them said what they knew.

That there was no way a dryer could have destroyed the sweater the way that Traci claimed it had.

And through it all Rey had maintained the role of ‘good’ daughter.

If only for her parents.

A dark part of her heart had wished her parents could see what she saw.

And that they would cast out the darker daughter in favor of Rey, even though she wasn’t of their blood.

So she lived in the metaphorical shadows with a smile on her face slowly growing more and more brittle as the days passed.

Freedom came in the form of college.

She had hardly let herself believe it was a real option.

Just in case.

She had refused to feel more disappointment, and had learned the hard way to not hope for things.

Each word from the letter of acceptance an angel’s kiss upon her brow.

All her sacrifices had validation in the face of a happiness that Traci couldn’t steal.

No matter the tantrum, the screams, destruction wrought, it was a puff of smoke in the wake of Rey’s unwavering smile.

* * *

It was bittersweet the day she left home.

She loved her parents and she knew deep in her heart that they had tried their best with a tough situation.

If a corner of her mind held an opaque pulsing hate for them then that was her problem and she would work through it.

Rey knew better than to sully what would hopefully be the last time she would be seeing them for a while.

She would feel bad later, and that always sucked.

Better to take a deep breath and move forward for her parent’s sake.

Traci never showed up to say goodbye, claiming she wasn’t feeling good.

It was just as well.

And if she felt that so much lighter watching her parents and ‘home’ in the rear view mirror, well, that was her secret.

* * *

**AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol).**

**I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.**

**Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces!**

**I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN** : **Thank you to everyone who commented on my last chapter with support and suggestions:Soccergirl05, QueenofCarrotFlowers, Polanetta, Trulyurs, MFA101, and ChristineWinchester.**

**I hope you all and more like this one as much and continue to enjoy.**

**I have no beta on this btw.**

**This is a Reylo piece I drew for the story.**

****

Four Years Later

It hadn’t been a hard decision for Rey to go into psychology.

Considering she had basically been living with people who clearly had psychological issues her entire life.

Rey would often joke with her friend Rose that it gave her a leg up in the program.

All in all she liked to think her life was going well.

She had a lovely boyfriend, Poe, who she had met in her first year of college.

She had her own apartment, on top of her full ride college scholarship.

Making rent and ends meet was hard sometimes, but she was used to working hard, and refused to let anything be handed to her.

Poe offered to help sometimes, but even she could acknowledge it was only after she had been complaining about it.

Rey thought his sense of obligation had been noble, like her own with her family, but had felt quickly that this was a different more bitter sense of obligation.

It made her sad, but when she brought it up Poe, he assured her that she was confused.

That she was misinterpreting his chivalrous offers.

That he wasn’t rolling his eyes each time like she thought she was seeing, that he had dry eyes.

She would just nod, apologize, and agree that she over analyzed.

But what did it say that it kept happening?

It made her realize really quick that her coming to him with her problems too often led to fights between them.

Poe said she was bad at communicating.

Maybe she was.

Poe wasn’t a bad boyfriend.

At least she didn’t think he was.

Her friend Rose would disagree.

He didn’t yell, hit or deny her his company.

But….

But he wasn’t good with showing affection or being conscious of her emotional needs.

She wasn’t totally naïve as to not understand when she was being manipulated at times.

She was just so happy to have someone, after believing for so long that no one would want her, that she could be stronger.

She secretly loved when his friends were around.

Poe became attentive and affectionate to an exaggerated degree.

She just didn’t understand why he felt the need to put on a show for people.

What part of him needed for people to see him as something other than what he was.

Why did he seem so insecure about his friend’s perceptions of their relationship?

Ugh, too many thoughts, the light from her laptop and the late hour were causing her brain to burn.

Rubbing the throbbing of her temples clockwise always helped to calm her mind when these thoughts overwhelmed her.

Migraines are a bitch.

She glanced at and grabbed the little tub of cream sitting on her desk.

Opening and taking a strong smell of the gift from Poe’s friend, Ben to help with her migraines.

Already it was helping like it always did.

The real kicker was when she massaged it into her temples.

Like the strongest infusion of mint and eucalyptus.

It made her senses sing and she still didn’t even know what was in it.

She really didn’t care either.

He had said it was made from a special herb that was only found in his homeland of Sweden.

She had been overwhelmed at the thoughtfulness of the gift.

Rey hadn’t even known that he was aware of her migraines, let alone cared about them.

He had insisted she use it as it had been made for him by his mother, who was an herbalist for their commune.

The word commune had sent a shiver down Rey’s spine, but she shook it off at the sincere glow of Ben’s eyes.

But there was no stopping her from using it anytime a migraine popped up after the first use.

They must be growing super herbs up there with the amount of relief she felt as the soothing balm touched her temples.

It felt better almost every single time she used it too.

Ben was the most silent and mysterious of Poe’s friends.

He was an enigma to Rey.

Anytime they went anywhere Rey would watch him.

Ben would just survey the room from a corner, wherever they were, occasionally dropping comments here and there.

For the most part though, dark eyes would scan people like he was sizing them up for something.

She would often catch his eye on sweeps and they would share a secret friendly smile.

He was an Anthropology student the same as Poe and his other friends, but he always carried a tiny orange notebook with him.

Doodling people and things he would come into contact with.

She had been surprised to learn he wasn’t an Art major, and said as much, because he was very good.

She had caught a glance at his book while he was sketching a car before he closed it quickly.

She had raised an eyebrow at his hasty action, pretending to be insulted, but laughing on the inside.

She had told him how good his work was, and he had proceeded to stammer and blush so prettily that she had determined to become friends with this strange man her boyfriend had met.

He had told her later with a secret smile and humorous glint in his eyes that he took art classes at home, and that he practices every year he goes back.

Unlike the rest of Poe’s friends, who Rey would hesitate to call acquaintances, Ben seemed to always be there for her.

She had never met a man who wanted to talk about himself less then Ben did.

She assumed that most of what he would say about himself was too tied up in his private commune family.

Rey was hesitant to call him a friend, yet, but he came as close to it as anyone she hadn’t known most of her life had.

She had known Rose for five years before she called her a friend.

Rey didn’t know if that meant she was making emotional progress or if Ben was special, but it didn’t stop her from trying to branch out.

**AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.**

**Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	3. 3

**AN: Detective Diaz is from Brooklyn Nine Nine and 'Fisher' memorial is pretty self explanatory.**

**This was originally two chapters but I combined them because the one for today was super small while the one meant for next week was more moderately sized. I hope you all enjoy this.**

**Again no beta.**

**Comments give me motivation and inspiration so please do not hesitate to let me know what you think. Thanks!**

**TRIGGER WARNING: There is some description of a suicide around the time they mention 'sleeping pills', and stops 'when the detective walked away'.**

**It's not super graphic, but don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.** ****

Her apartment was a decent size and it better be considering she fought tooth and nail to get it.

Brick walls lovingly covered posters of her favorite art, and hardwood floors covered with fluffy multicolored rugs.

When Rey would get drunk, she told Rose it was like walking on a rainbow.

She couldn’t help the sigh that seemed to encompass her entire being as if her brain refused to absorb the words in front of her.

Her comfy, yet lumpy desk chair did nothing to help her concentration at the moment.

Rey loved her scrounged furniture and second hand rescues, but what she wouldn’t give for a firm cushioned high backed rolling computer chair right now.

Cuddling under her favorite throw courtesy of Goodwill, acquired in her first year of college, she struggled to take in her brightly lit laptop screen with squinted eyes.

_I really need to invest in some reading glasses._

Another email from her ‘sister’ asking for ‘help’.

Her head hit the desk with a deep thunk.

All the subject title said was, “Rey. Help. Now.”

That sounded like Traci alright.

Rey didn’t understand what she was reading.

It seemed like gibberish almost.

“Rey need helpno w get t ing dark. Mo and D IN ROOMmmmmmm.”

_Well, that can’t be good._

She immediately thought of calling the police.

_What if there was an intruder? What if there was a fire?_

Pacing around her apartment she couldn’t stop the string of awful things that could have happened to cause such an awful looking message.

Glancing out her window at the thick sheets of white snow falling.

Rey knew that with no car and with a storm this fierce that she wasn’t making it home.

Better to call someone just in case she was making a stink over nothing.

Muttering to herself while she furiously swiped through her contact list.

“I mean, this wouldn’t be the first time Traci has screwed with me by sending scary messages.”

Rey sighed as she heard herself say out loud what she needed to hear.

This was classic Traci.

Rey put her phone down resolutely.

_No._

She wouldn’t play Traci’s game anymore.

Rey was free and Traci was a big girl now.

_She had mentioned mom and dad though…_

Anything she had done she could get herself out of it on her own.

If Traci had dragged their parents into whatever scheme she had dreamed up this time.

_I will kill her._

She closed her laptop with the message still prominently displayed.

Like she was closing a finished novel she never wanted to pick back up.

She was done.

** \----- **

*Ring Ring*

*Ring Ring*

_Ugh._

_Who is calling this early?_

She didn’t have class for another, with a glance at the still ringing phone, four hours.

And with her internal dilemma all night about her sister’s bullshit she had gotten maybe five hours of sleep in the last thirty-five.

Since she couldn’t mentally explode the phone, she only had one recourse.

If only to stop the noise.

“Yes?”

If her voice was a little more curt than was polite they would just have to deal.

“Miss Jasper?”

_Oh._

That sounded frighteningly official.

Shaking the last of the cobwebs from her brain and sitting up she answered,

“Yes, this is Rey Jasper. Who is this?”

“This is Officer Diaz. We need to talk to you down at the hospital as soon as you can get here, please?”

Her brain refused to pick up most of the officer’s words.

Her vision sharpening quickly, she stared at the wall.

“Hospital? Why? What happened?”

She could feel her voice slowly starting to raise with each question.

“Miss Jasper, we really should talk about this in person.”

The lilted voice hesitated before she spoke again, almost like she knew she shouldn’t say what she was about to.

“It’s…about your sister and parents. That’s all I can say right now. I’m sorry.”

She answered quickly, but woodenly.

“Ok, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you.”

Her thumb hovered over the END button, like it meant more than it really should.

_Why did it feel wrong?_

Then the word started to swim.

_Why was everything so blurry all of sudden?_

_I need to blink._

_No don’t blink._

She had a feeling something bad would happen if she blinked.

She pressed the button and felt the tears fall regardless.

She scrubbed them off her face hard feeling the abrasions on her skin almost immediately.

Racing out of bed she flew to put on clothes not caring how clean or dirty they were.

If anyone wanted to judge her then fuck them.

She jammed the phone between her shoulder and ear as she jumped ungracefully on one foot trying to pull on her sweat pants.

The phone continued to ring and her heart sunk more as it kept going to voicemail.

She was close to throwing the phone at the wall her hands were shaking.

_Godsdamnit Poe. Unreliable shit. Fuck._

She could feel the tears starting to well again when she felt her phone vibrating in her palm.

She scrambled to answer almost dropping it a few times.

It would be comical she was sure if the situation had been different.

Rey had to clear her throat of the scream that wanted to claw its way out before speaking.

“H-Hello Poe!?”

She knew how frantic she must sound but she couldn’t help it, time seemed to be moving simultaneously too fast and agonizingly slow.

With a glance at her laptop clock she saw five minutes had passed.

“Rey? What’s wrong little one?”

_Little one? That wasn’t Poe._

“Who…Who is this? Where is Poe?!”

The other voice remained soft, like it was soothing a raging animal.

She was sure the description wasn’t far off the mark right now.

Running the hand not occupied with the phone through her hair, she pulled on it tightly, she needed to ground herself or she was going to fly off the handle and that would help no one.

Before she could stop it, a sob broke through her tightly clenched teeth.

“I’ll be right there.”

The deep voice on the other end said with a finality that Rey couldn’t understand for a minute.

*Click*

The dial tone beep caused her to look at her phone.

He hung up.

She didn’t even think to glance at the caller ID.

Rey continued to try and get ahold of Poe while also calling any taxi service that would answer.

Almost none of them would come to her neighborhood in the storm, not in her time frame anyway.

She was going to walk.

It would take her the better part of an hour but she needed to get there.

Who knows what’s happened to her family?

She heard the pounding on the stairs up to her apartment before the door shook on its hinges.

She raced to open it.

Blinking up at Ben like he was a ghost; she almost couldn’t process what was going on.

“Why are you here? Where is Poe?”

He took one look at her face and she was surrounded by pine before she had the mind to ask more questions.

She just stood in his arms like a doll, breathing his sweater in feeling her muscles loosen reflexively.

Pulling away from tightening bands of corded muscle wasn’t as easy as it sounded, but she figured she was operating on adrenalin and panic so it worked.

He ran a giant hand through his snow-covered hair as he replied keeping one giant hand on her shoulder like a weight to keep her from flying away.

“Poe messaged me. Said you had been calling but he was too busy to reply. He told me to head over and make sure you were okay.”

With an up and down glance at her he commented.

“Which you are clearly not.”

She grabbed her purse and coat before shoving her feet into unlaced combat boots.

“Take me to Fisher Memorial Hospital.”

She looked up at him, knowing how desperate she looked right now.

So desperate she didn’t even care that he wasn’t Poe, and that her so called boyfriend had clearly shoved Ben at her to stop her from interfering in whatever he was ‘busy’ with.

“Please.”

His dark eyes narrowed and he gave her a tight nod before grabbing her hand.

They stopped just long enough for her to lock her apartment before they were flying to his car.

His mumble was lost in the wind whipping at them.

“Whatever you need little one.”

Next thing she knew they were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital.

Time was blurring for her.

Rey had been told by the lady at the help desk that the Detective would be with her soon.

So, they waited.

Ben remained by her side, except when he got up to grab her a sandwich and cup of coffee from the cafeteria.

She wasn’t sure how he got them, as she was sure it was closed at this time of night, but right now wasn’t the time to look a gift horse in the mouth.

** \---- **

She woke up to the sound of shoes clip clopping quickly on the linoleum floor.

Though woke up was not an accurate description.

More swam through quicksand to wakefulness.

Nudging her head against the firm pillow, she raised her eyebrows when it gave a small giggle.

Pillows don’t giggle.

Lifting her bowling ball of a head to glance at where the noise came from, she saw Ben grinning down at her and the fact that Rey had been nuzzling his right pectoral like a baby searching for its mother’s nipple.

She sat up quickly ignoring the rush of her head and the waves in her stomach telling her that had been a bad idea, the blush causing her face to flame.

She shook her head trying to focus.

Remember why they were there, but no matter how much she wanted to panic she couldn’t.

Her head was so heavy and her brain wouldn’t work fast enough.

Rey finally managed to slur with not a small amount of effort, “How long…?”

Ben interrupted with, “You’ve only been down a half hour. A nurse stopped by to say they would speak with us soon.”

She breathed deeply.

More waiting.

Rey finally noticed the weight on her shoulders, and that Ben must have thrown his arm behind her head and his soft large hand cradled her shoulder.

“You should rest. I know how worn out you must be.”

She felt the pressure on her head and shoulder simultaneously.

“Wake me, if something…”

Rey felt her head meet the firm pillow pec once more. Her eyes weighed down and the warm paw covering almost the entire side of her head holding her in place.

“And message Poe.”

The hand on her head tightened just a touch, almost painful, before resuming its soft pressure.

“Of course. Now sleep.”

She felt a bit of panic at how inappropriate this might be, how it must look, but her head refused to let her focus on it for more than a second.

And she was gone.

** \----- **

The detective apologized for making her and her boyfriend wait, but had stated that the circumstances were unusual.

She didn’t even bother to correct the very stone-faced detective of the state of her and Ben’s friendship.

Rey hadn’t wanted to, but asked anyway.

“My parents and sister?”

Everything after that was white noise.

According to the detective, their theory is that her sister had had a mental break and had poisoned their parent’s dinner, and then cut her own wrists.

Her parents had just fallen asleep, and never woken up from the extreme overdose of sleeping pills.

Rey had questioned how they knew that Traci had been the one to do it.

They had found the empty pill bottles that were prescribed to Traci in the bathroom garbage can.

From the looks of it Traci hadn’t really known what she was doing, because her wrists were slashed up like a deranged tiger had gotten ahold of her.

They had said that she must have been extremely dangerous at that moment to have had the strength and adrenaline to have managed to slice herself up that badly.

Rey could admit to herself that Detective Diaz hadn’t been that brutal with her terminology, but that was what she heard.

As the detective walked away after patting her shoulder she wanted to scream.

But swallowed it down like a razor covered brick.

Ben had held her the entire time, rocking her soothingly back and forth.

When Rey had glanced at his face it had looked pained, like he was feeling sorrow too.

She had pushed away from him then, and ran away as fast as she could.

She didn’t look back.

Ignoring his cries to come back.

The sound of his heavy steps pursuing her pushed her to run faster.

She refused to believe that he could understand the pain she was feeling.

Nobody could.

**AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.**

**Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Where** **I am writing ahead I happen to be at the chapter right before they leave for Sweden and I wanted to know if you all would like a bonus Ben/Kylo POV chapter before they leave for Sweden? I would go right back to Rey POV after, but I figured I would ask and see how you all felt.**

**I really hope you all like where I am taking this.**

Six months later

In the end it hadn’t mattered if she had blinked or not.

Salty tears felt like they hadn’t stopped pouring since that moment.

If they weren’t on her face, they felt like they were in her heart, lungs.

Drowning her slowly, but surely.

She still couldn’t process what her sister had done.

Killing herself had never seemed like a Traci thing.

Sure, she might threaten it, but Rey always believed she was too narcissistic to ever take her own life.

But then to bring their parents with her felt like the biggest fuck you move to Rey she ever could have pulled.

Rey hated thinking of it like that, it made her feel selfish, but she couldn’t help the bitterness in her that pulsed at the loss of her only family and taken by someone she had so wanted to love.

Her only refuge these last months was with Poe and, surprisingly, Ben.

Though refuge was putting it nicely.

Distraction was a better word.

She wasn’t taking any classes in the summer thankfully, and she had managed to hang on to her scholarships by the skin of her teeth after it had happened.

Rey had gotten a lot of leniency from the school and professors, but she hated it.

She despised the pity they had in their eyes, and the way they treated her like she was some delicate doll that would shatter if they raised their voices above a certain pitch.

The poor girl whose sister killed herself and their parents.

Now she has nobody.

Poor Rey.

The investigation hadn’t taken long at all.

It seemed to be an open and shut case of murder/suicide.

Especially after she had shown the officers the email, she had gotten not a half an hour before it had happened.

They presumed that her sister had gotten cold feet, as most do, and messaged her for help.

They had assured her that even had she answered the email, it was likely too late by then.

Rey had questioned why her sister hadn’t tried to call the police or ambulance if she had wanted to be saved in the last minute, but they theorized that was because she had forgotten in her panic that she had slashed the phone lines before she had started….

Shaking her head Rey refused to go down that road.

Not again.

She could logically think about what had happened but absolutely refused to go into details about the deaths.

Not even to herself.

The funeral had taken less time than the investigation.

Rey had made sure it was nice, exactly as the public would expect, but a part of her had wanted to throw all of their bodies into a fire and walk away.

She hadn’t messaged Rose in weeks as Poe liked to remind her.

Even though Rose continued to message her with updates and affirmations that she was there whenever Rey wanted to talk or needed her.

“Rey, you there?”

Rose is such a good friend.

Poe also liked to remind her that they hadn’t fucked in longer than that.

Rey knew he just wanted her to leave him alone, without looking like the dick for breaking up with the girl whose crazy sister murdered her parents and offed herself.

She hated having to rely on someone who clearly didn’t want to be there.

She just floundered every time she imagined losing someone else.

But he refused to not answer her calls, and he showed up.

“Hey, little one?”

She couldn’t figure out or care why he continued to act like he gave a fuck.

Maybe that was too harsh.

She couldn’t say he didn’t give a fuck, but Poe clearly had other things he would rather be doing.

*SNAP*

She opened her eyes to find a very large hand in front of her face and a set of snapping fingers.

Close.

It smelled like fresh air and pine she noted with a deep inhale.

Like she was emerging from being under water for too long.

Shifted eyes upwards caught the concerned look on Ben’s face.

His deep, dark eyes were worried she could tell.

Oh, right.

He had invited her out to lunch.

And she had accepted.

She could make out the noises of the cozy diner gradually.

Now that she wasn’t in her head so much, she was able to pay attention to her surroundings.

The small café had a warm atmosphere that was highlighted by ambient lights casting soft glows onto everything they touched. She took in Ben’s face just watching her now that she was paying attention, shadows danced across his face, accentuating his features in an orange light that was reflected in his unwavering eyes.

She broke the stare down first with a shake of head, as prickles started traveling across her hands.

It was an intimate setting.

Rey glanced down.

“Did I order that or did you?”

Her voice was smoother and warmer than she expected it to be considering she wasn’t sure she had said two words to another person in the last day or so.

Ben’s concerned frown quirked up the at the corners at her acknowledgement and question.

Probably more acknowledgment than she had given him all afternoon.

She wasn’t even sure how she had gotten here.

“I did, but I can have them bring something else if you like?”

He had such an interesting way of saying things with his accent and stilted sentences.

Like he was always weighing his words to make sure they were the right ones.

She was quick to assure him.

“No, it’s ok.”

He breathed a visible sigh of relief.

“It’s actually my favorite. How did you know?” she couldn’t help but ask.

His face seemed to freeze a touch.

“Did Poe tell you?” she inquired further teasing.

In the next moment it was as if it had never happened at all, his smile back.

“Yes, Poe must have mentioned it at some point.”

He was clearly being guarded, but she thought it might be because he was embarrassed.

Especially if that pink flush in his pale cheeks was anything to go by, or maybe it was the candlelight.

She smiled a bit and her face felt tight at the unused movement.

This was how it always was with them though.

Most of the time she didn’t even remember them going anywhere, but she would open her eyes one moment and see them in another setting.

A park, café, library…

She never asked how he managed to lug her unresponsive but mobile form to theses places, because there was a part of her that was afraid, he would stop doing it.

Ben would always manage to catch her in her darkest moments and manage to make her smile, even if she didn’t want to.

“So,” Rey broke in lightly. “I heard from a little birdie that you and the guys were heading to your home sometime soon.”

She felt she had broached the subject delicately.

Ben just looked confused.

“Did you not know? Had Poe not mentioned anything?” he haltingly said in between bites of his sandwich.

She tried to focus while discreetly eying the way his jaw rotated every time he chewed; she didn’t want to notice the way his giant frame was squished into the tiny café chair like he was having teatime with a child, but it was hard to ignore him and as she surreptitiously glanced around at the other patrons and they had taken note of them as well.

She flushed at their appraising eyes, unsure of what they must be thinking or what her and Ben must look like.

She shook her head, unsure if she was trying to lock him out of her head or if she was answering his question.

No, she hadn’t heard about it from Poe.

“Well, I saw a text on Poe’s phone from Hux talking about it. He seemed very excited” She mumbled while poking her fish.

Rey glanced up and saw Ben’s face twisted like he had eaten something rotten.

With a sudden move his hand shot forward and engulfed her other hand on the table, and with a gentle squeeze he said, “Well, that’s just strange because I was almost certain that Poe was set to invite you to come with us.”

His tone had an inquiring lilt so that she couldn’t tell if he was asking a question or making a statement.

“Huh.”

The subject dropped as they both ate lunch, and switched the topic to safer things.

She failed to even notice that he didn’t move his hand for the rest of the lunch or that she managed to settle a bit further at the continued contact.

Rey always felt guilty how easily Ben was able to make her feel good despite how awful she actually felt because of her circumstances.

She would often cast glances at him when she believed he wasn’t looking.

He always looked so serious, with his severe features and overly large proportions, but she knew there was a warm teddy bear in there.

She found the dichotomy of his being so interesting to look at.

There many times she would see him looking at her with what she was sure was lust, but the next second it shifted like a rippling pond, and it was a set of warm friendly eyes looking at her.

More times she would see large, lush lips pulled back over slightly jagged white teeth snarling above her head from her peripheral, and the glance back it would just be a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

She was never sure if the shivers that ran the length of her spine were from fear or excitement, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

**AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.**

**Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: While writing this story, I have been inspired by a few things. None more so though than the song by U2, ‘Stuck In A Moment’.**

**I feel like that song really describes Rey’s overall demeanor and most situations she finds herself in at the moment especially in my story.**

**Also, thank you to all who are reading, giving kudos in support and commenting your opinions on this. It all really pushes me onwards and is one of my driving reasons to keep writing, aside from wanting to get the idea out of my head lol. I love hearing your ideas and opinions, especially since I don’t have(but wouldn’t be adverse to) a beta, you all are sort of my sounding board as it were. Lol.**

It was few more days before Rey could gather up the courage to mention Sweden to Poe.

Her days were so busy now that she was finally out doing things that she could rightfully justify that she had just been too occupied to find the time.

Courtesy of Ben occasionally pulling her out to do random things.

She also told herself that Poe was clearly too busy to have the discussion as well.

Between Poe’s thesis on European Pagan Traditions and her piecing her unraveled life back together they had had little time to see each other the last few weeks.

Even though they texted occasionally Rey knew there was no substitute for talking face to face.

As long as she didn’t bring up anything too serious.

In the beginning they had had generally wonderful discussion on a multitude of topics, some more important than others.

Eventually though he had admitted that he had really only brushed up on that stuff to impress her.

She had been flattered until she realized that he genuinely didn’t have much to talk about outside of his own interests as opposed to her who had an opinion on nearly everything.

If she didn’t then she would research it until she had one.

After a bit into their relationship Poe repeatedly said when she tried to steer their discussions into a more in-depth route that he liked to keep conversations ‘light’.

Especially anytime she tried to discuss something more serious than the latest gossip from the campus gossip rag.

Poe had always been a flirt.

He had flirted with her the way he flirted with, well, everyone.

He had caught up to her a few months after classes had started. He was in two of her general studies courses.

So she had noticed him making his way through the classes with varying levels of success, and had wanted nothing to do with the drama she was certain he would bring.

If she had been standoffish because she was certain a handsome man like that would want nothing to do with mousey her then she would never admit that.

So when he had sidled up to her one day walking to class she hadn’t batted an eye, but then he had charmingly started walking backwards completely carefree smirking at her with glittering chocolate eyes.

His fluffy hair ruffling around his face caused her to blush.

He talked to her like that for a few days until he finally asked her out.

So certain in her acceptance just like all the other girls.

With one glaring difference.

She had denied him.

For weeks he had asked her out doggedly after that, and she adamantly refused stating she didn’t touch dirty dicked playboys.

He had burst out laughing like she had told the best joke ever, and she had laughed with him.

His smile was contagious, and she realized that there really was a reason he had such a reputation.

It wasn’t because he was a man slut, it was because he was charming and fun.

His dashing good looks hadn’t hurt.

And despite his seeming disregard for academia, he really was a smart man.

When he tried.

Her seeming immunity to his ‘charms’ intrigued him enough to really attempt to get to know her further than the superficial conversations they had had up until then, and she liked to think that her sparkling personality had endeared her to him as much as whatever attracted him to her physically.

Rey would never admit it but it had been immensely flattering to have such a handsome man pursue her so brazenly.

She would never really understand why he had asked her to be his girlfriend.

She was certain he knew she would want commitment and fidelity, and as far as she knew, he had been faithful to her.

But he constantly acted like he was doing her a favor by not fucking anything that moved.

Now a days it was like they were friends who occasionally had moderately decent sex.

At this point she didn’t think either of them knew how to stop being with each other and so they just went with it, but maybe that was her insecurity talking.

Trying to protect her feelings from the possibility of him leaving her one day.

They were both each other’s first relationship, and breaking up was scary, especially when you didn’t really understand how to navigate such terrain.

A few days after her lunch with Ben, she watched Poe as he was watching tv idly cuddling.

Her back was to the arm with the tips of her toes grazing his basketball shorts.

They would both play on their phones distractedly at each commercial.

Rey had been feeling better since she had taken back up talking to Rose, and was ready to start going back to therapy a few days a week.

She had told Ben and Poe as much when they had met up for lunch the other day.

Ben had congratulated and given her a hug so big her toes scraped the floor, and said that he felt she was making a good decision.

She had felt it down to her toes.

Poe had told her it was ‘about time’ with a smirk and an eye roll at Ben’s doting.

She had always loved to be praised.

She couldn’t have ignored the narrow eye glances Ben had given her and Poe occasionally clenching his jaw.

Rey knew from the way his hazel eyes shifted from Poe to her and back that he had been wondering about whether she had questioned Poe about the trip yet as the timeframe was coming closer.

Just a week left and she was just mustering her courage.

She could almost picture Ben’s eyebrow raised expectantly as she shifted against the armrest.

Again.

She hated comparing the two men, because Ben was her friend and she didn’t think about him that way.

Especially not when she was cuddled up with her boyfriend.

Because thinking about Ben, and his pretty mouth praising her for doing good and his wide tall body carrying her like a baby with so little effort while cuddled up with Poe would make her a bad girlfriend.

Right?

However, it was getting harder to not think of the seemingly gentle giant when her boyfriend, even when he was present physically, was never truly with her. Or when he was ignorant or uncaring of her feelings. Always on his phone or hanging with his ‘study’ group.

But she loved him, and she would do whatever she could to make this work.

She kept telling herself this mantra, but it was getting harder and harder to listen to it even from herself when he could barely pulled himself away enough from his texts with Finn to go to her family’s funeral and only because he knew the hell she would raise if he tried to get out of it.

Glancing up at his phone lit face surreptitiously she decided she might as well rip the band aid off.

She totally didn’t see a smirking Ben in her minds eye saying with his gravely voice ‘good girl’.

Hoping that Ben had been right and Poe had actually meant to tell her and forgot.

Instead of just not actually wanting her to come like she feared.

Not wanting to keep entertaining that train of thought, lest she get worked up before she even found anything out.

“Sweden is coming soon huh?”

Poe froze, almost exaggeratedly, like a deer in the face of a floodlight.

“What do you mean?”

Rey rolled her eyes at the warble in his voice, and knew he saw it. She didn’t even need to look at his face to know his eyes were wide and mouth puckered like a very tight butthole.

Rey didn’t know if Poe was the worst liar ever or if she was just that good at sniffing out his bullshit, but they both knew that it was a futile effort to be dishonest either way.

That’s why he usually stuck to his usual method of just not telling her things in the first place.

Because then he can claim he hadn’t lied, he had ‘forgotten’.

She felt like this might go the same way.

Though she prayed not.

She gave a bone-weary sigh, and clenched her eyes shut. Rubbing her temple with trembling fingers wishing she had used some of Ben’s miracle cream on her head earlier, but she was running low and didn’t want to ask him if he had more knowing how hard it would be to get.

“Who told you about the trip?” he said clearly trying to rally his thoughts.

“Nobody had to tell me Poe, did you really think you could just go and I wouldn’t figure it out? Do you think I’m that big of a dumbass?”

Ok, maybe not the best start, but she couldn’t help it. This whole exchange was already really pissing her off.

Rey would be damned if she admitted Ben had mentioned anything. She didn’t want Poe going off on him, depending on how this whole thing went.

She knew Poe hated it when she stuck up for Ben against him, and right now she needed this to remain in perspective for them both.

“I saw it on your phone.”

He leaned forward like she had electrocuted him, eyes wide and pupils dilated.

“What were you doing snooping through my texts? Goddammit Rey!”

“Poe calm the fuck down, and listen to me. I didn’t go through your texts. I saw a text notification.”

He looked at her in the middle of running his hand through his hair for the fifteenth time in less than a minute. She knew he only pulled such compulsive actions when he was distressed.

“Sweden.”

She says the word to remind herself as much as him about what this was about.

_That’s right I’m not letting you derail us this time._

She didn’t want to take the time to wonder why he was so upset at the thought of her ‘snooping’ through his phone, that wasn’t the issue right now.

“Look Rey, the Sweden thing isn’t a trip or a vacation or whatever. It’s a thing for college more than anything really. We are going to see Ben’s commune family and actually get some work done. You know I haven’t really done anything since deciding my thesis topic, and Ben was nice enough to offer this as a way of helping us.”

“I get you and Hux, you guys are in the same program, but what about Finn?” Rey asked skeptically. “He is coming along to benefit his Master’s? In computer technology?”

“Finn is going because Ben invited him.”

“Poe I don’t care if you were going on the trip as a vacation or whatever!” She says the last part mockingly.

Poe had gotten up to pace in the middle of his explanation. At Rey’s outburst, he stopped and looked at her dumbly.

“Then what are you upset about?”

_Is this motherfucker serious right now?_

Rey jumped up quickly, probably more enraged at his incredulous question than she needed to be, but she didn’t care right now.

Marching up to him and meeting his eye as well as she could.

“Why am I upset?! How could you think I wouldn’t be upset about you disappearing without a weeks’ notice to go gallivanting halfway across the world on some European adventure…”

She just held up a finger under his nose threateningly when he opened his mouth to protest her use of the word ‘adventure’, surely to ‘correct’ her about the nature of the trip.

He closed it with a snap and she slowly lowered her finger and continued her words.

“…or WHATEVER. I am your girlfriend Poe, why in the world do you think I wouldn’t be upset? Especially when you weren’t even going to invite me, the least you could do was tell me!”

While Rey had started strong, she finished with little more than a whisper, tears summoned to the corners of her eyes blurring her vision of the paling man.

She hadn’t meant to say that last part, not wanting to seem like she was fishing for an invitation if Ben had been wrong about it but she always did let her mouth run unfiltered when she was emotional.

The back of her throat stung and she squeezed her eyes shut, not caring that he could see her breakdown. She wanted him to know for the first time how much he was hurting her, what his unthoughtful actions did to her after almost four years.

Rey opened her eyes when she felt hot, wet palms on either side of her face.

She didn’t know if they were wet because of the tears that had made their way down her face against her will or if he just happened to be sweating from the fight, but she couldn’t help the woosh of air that left her at the look on his face.

“Rey, I am so sorry.”

As mall sob escaped at his apology and her body was ready to collapse at the rush of emotions, he pulled her in to hold her up wrapping his slender arms around.

He wasn’t finished though.

“You know I love you and I know I am not the best at being considerate, but…I do care. I honestly thought about inviting you, but I wasn’t sure you would want to go with all the…”

They both knew why she stiffened at where his words were going, so he moved on while starting to rub her back gently. Her sobs slowly dying down.

“…stuff that happened. You’ve been doing so good with therapy and stuff I didn’t want you to feel pressured to stop or whatever. I would like you to come if you want to and can. I think it might be good for us to have a nice trip and explore a new country and culture together.”

Rey let out a watery laugh.

“Really? You don’t think I would be in the way or bother you guys?”

She hates how insecure she sounds at the question but can’t help it. She’s afraid she sounds like the scared, abandoned little girl she tries so hard to not acknowledge anymore.

Poe rubbed her red face of tears and kisses her forehead before answering.

“No, you know that everyone with the exception of Hux really likes you, and even though I hadn’t brought up inviting you yet I don’t think it would be hard to include you.”

“Hux is a dick.”

Poe laughed a little at her vehement declaration in the middle of such a serious discussion.

She couldn’t help it though. It wasn’t much of a secret how much her and Hux disliked each other. He treated her like some street urchin that had pissed all over his shoes, and she thought he was a pompous small-minded asshat.

Rey could feel her eyebrows pulling down with her frown.

_He hadn’t mentioned inviting me, but Ben said he had._

She glanced up at Poe still smiling at her gently.

_Then again Poe could be lying. It wouldn’t be the first time. Or Ben could be lying, but that would make no sense. Why would Ben lie? It wouldn’t benefit him. Ben bringing up Poe’s thinking of inviting her was the only reason I brought up Sweden anyway._

Rey had planned on not saying anything at all after the text message. She would have laid into Poe the day of depending on he was going to reveal his plans.

By Rey bringing it up earlier, she had effectively attained an invite whether Poe had been actually planning to or not.

The thought that Ben had manipulated her into confronting Poe should have made her mad, but all it did was warm her heart.

Because more than likely, Ben knew Poe wasn’t going to invite her, but he wanted her to come and felt like he couldn’t invite her himself.

Maybe he was worried about stepping on Poe’s toes or breaking some ‘bro code’. Either way Rey would keep Ben’s secret and determined to thank him later for the push.

“So?”

Poe’s question pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Wanna go to a hidden commune in the middle of nowhere Sweden with me?”

Rey laughed and nodded wordlessly.

As Poe leaned down to kiss her passionately at her acceptance of his ‘invite’ she couldn’t help but completely forget her earlier determination to not think of Ben while in Poe’s arms. Seeing his wide eyes and smiling lips framing crooked sharp in her head.

_Ben._

\------

**AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.**

**Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Ok, so things are about to start happening, and I'm equal parts** **nervous and excited about them.**

**If you all have any opinions or comments please don't hesitate because I am really hoping you all are gonna like where I am going as much as I am.**

**This story still has a lot to go, but things will start going down(ba-dum tss) when they get to Sweden, which if my pacing is right should be in the next two chapters.**

**Do you all feel this is moving too slow? Or just right? I have wondered about that.**

**Again, please comment and let me know your thoughts and thank you all for reading either way. <3**

Rey was just finishing up the last of her packing while talking to Rose when she spotted the framed painting above her t.v.

It was a field of flowers, all kinds, that would probably never grow together in the same space.

Tulips, roses, daisies, and lavender.

Both red and yellow tulips intertwined with dark, crimson roses that snaked around the brighter flowers.

If it wasn’t for the healthy vibrancy of the tulips it would look as if the roses were choking them. But they were existing harmoniously in the painting.

The daisies and lavender were less involved with the others, more interwoven into the borders of the painting.

Not an afterthought, Rey interpreted to Rose when she had sent her a picture of the piece, but an introduction.

Rose had said it was ‘pretty’.

Rey just snorted at her in offense and said “philistine” using her most upper crust accent to the amusement of both ladies.

And right in the center of the painting, so small but very distinct, was a yellow triangle.

She would never have noticed it without her hours of vigil at the painting cataloguing it in her mind in fear that she would never see it again.

Poe had refused to believe it was even really there when she had pointed it out, Rey had had to get a magnifying glass to prove she wasn’t going crazy.

Only then had he agreed that there was the hidden yellow triangle.

When she had shown it to Ben shortly after she showed it to Poe, he had placed a burning hand on her bare shoulder and squeezed, not painfully, but tightly and inescapable unless he loosened it of his own volition.

Ben had smiled widely in that way she had only seen a few times out of the periphery of her sight.

It was the dark smile one second and in the blink of an eye the sweet one.

He said she clearly had a good eye.

He had looked back at the painting at her blush from his words, but he hadn’t moved his hand no matter how she had squirmed.

Ben had said it was very clear that the artist clearly only wanted those that were truly looking to find the treasure placed in the painting, then he had given her a mysterious wink before moving on.

She had felt like she was missing something about that exchange but couldn’t figure out why or what.

Rey felt special that she saw something no one had really been looking for, at least as far as the people she had talked to about it had seen.

It had been uncanny how moved she had felt when she found it.

The museum had been one hers and Poe’s dates about a year and a half ago.

Rey had stared at the painting until her eyes watered.

And that little yellow triangle.

She wasn’t sure if it was the moisture of her dry eyes from not blinking for too long or tears that had made their way down her red cheeks.

She had come back with Poe, Ben and others multiple times a month and the same thing happened each time.

She knew she would never be able to afford the crazy price the museum was asking for the piece.

So, she was relegated to observing it and being so happy every time she went back that no one had purchased it yet.

She had tried to find out who had created the piece but had been informed by the museum director that the artist had requested anonymity aside from the alias K.Ren.

Poe had bought it for her birthday.

It had been one of the nicest things he had ever done.

She had tried to pry how he had gotten that much money, but he would never tell her.

Tearing her eyes away from the picture and taking a perfunctory glance around her she figured she really didn’t need much more in her medium sized suitcase.

They would be gone for two weeks apparently, according to the text Ben had sent her with their itinerary.

Rey hadn’t seen anyone since she had talked with Poe two days ago, but the day after her ‘invitation’ Ben had called her and had said he was glad she was coming.

She didn’t mention what she had realized because she didn’t want to embarrass him or make him think she was mad, so she just thanked him and asked about the normal things.

What weather they would encounter, traditions, things to and not to be done.

She didn’t want to offend Ben’s people.

Ben had just laughed in that deep, rich way that he only gave to her.

He said that if he told her everything beforehand then there would be no fun in seeing her reactions when it happened.

She had tartly reminded him that she hated surprises, she heard the grin still on his face as he said tough shit and hung up after telling her he would text her with what she should find necessary for herself during their trip.

_“So, you’re gonna text me or call, right?”_

Rose broke through her reverie, almost startling her quiet contemplation.

“I will certainly try Rose, but this place is supposedly super out of the way. Who the fuck knows how much service I am going to have.”

Rose and her had been talking on speaker for the last two hours catching up and gossiping about things.

Rose had a new boyfriend and Rey needed to know everything about him, of course.

That had devolved into them talking about the trip, again, and Roses insistence that she not get killed or sold into human trafficking.

_“See, that has me worried, because what if something happens to you and you’re rotting in the woods in the middle of Sweden and I never know. Or you get eaten by a bear?”_

Rose paused to take a breath.

_“Are there bears in Sweden?”_

Rey laughed and shook her head at the silliness of her friend.

Rey tried her best to not think about how she wishes her parents had been as concerned for her as Rose is in general.

That thinking ill about the dead was a shitty thing to do, but even after months of therapy she still couldn’t let go of the bitter lump in her heart that blamed her parents for abandoning her and allowing Traci to kill them all.

That for as much as they had failed Rey, they had failed Traci just as much.

If they hadn’t been so permissive of Traci’s shit that they could have gotten her the help she needed and then they wouldn’t all be dead.

And if they had coddled Rey more, maybe she wouldn’t have this need to brick wall someone anytime they tried to care for her.

That anytime Rey had wanted to do something dangerous or crazy as a child or teen her mother had always just said she trusted her.

Or that she was smart enough to be ok.

Her parents had always considered her independent, and so treated her as such, but they had never considered that she could want a bit of pampering or that she might like them to worry about her, coddle her.

Rey loves that Rose coddles and to a certain extent suffocates her with love, even if they aren’t in the same state the smaller woman manages to make Rey feel her loved than the man she sees almost every day.

Ben was the same way.

He always tried to let her know she was cared for, even if he never explicitly said by him, and that even when she was being a shit about it showed her, he was there for her.

She loved both of them for it.

She would never admit that though.

She couldn’t.

It would make her weak.

Or she might scare Rose or Ben away when they realized how much she needed them and then she wouldn’t have anyone.

It was always better to be safe then sorry in her opinion.

“Yes, actually there are bears in Sweden, but I doubt they would be near this place. Bears don’t want to be around people especially if this gathering is as big as Ben has described.”

 _“Oh? How big is his gathering?”_ Rose said cheekily with a giggle.

Rey just sighed and rolled her eyes knowing the other woman couldn’t see it.

“Rose.” Rey said warningly.

Rose liked to occasionally tease Rey about Ben, and Rose knew she wasn’t a fan of teasing about that.

_“Come on Rey! It’s not my fault you admitted that you found him hot, and you told me about the little glances and touches he has given you. Those are clearly signals why can’t you see it? You know I’m not telling anyone else, and besides we both know what I think about the situation.”_

They both knew she was referring to the fact that she couldn’t stand Poe or the way he treated Rey.

She almost regretted tell Rose about the moments with Ben she had felt were more physically charged and the looks she felt she had received.

“Yeah, I know, Rose. You also know how I feel, and I would appreciate it if we could stay on track. I need to make sure I don’t miss anything.”

Rose had more than once admitted that she thought Rey should dump Poe and go for Ben. She would counter that while Poe might not always be great, she didn’t even know if Ben actually liked her and she loves Poe.

Rose would roll her eyes at the word ‘loves’.

_“I know, I just love you Rey. Anyway, make sure you have your passport, I.D. and a change of underwear and you should be ok right? Didn’t Ben say they would provide you all a set of clothes?”_

None of it was helped by the fact that the two girls had engaged in a drinking night and after many shots Rey drunkenly admitted to getting off to Ben’s handsome weird face and how she wanted to climb his giant body like King Kong climbed the Empire State Building.

“Yeah, but that was just for the final day of the festival. Not the entire stay. It’s nine days and we will be gone for two weeks; I will definitely need more than that.”

Ever since Rose had made a mission to mention how much better Ben was than Poe anytime she could.

No matter how many times Rey threatened to not talk to her for her meddling they both knew that it was an empty threat and so Rose would push until she felt she had made her point.

Rey knew her friend thought she was doing what was best for her but Rose didn’t understand that Ben was, at best an enigma, and at worst just not interested.

Shaking her head, she felt comfortable knowing no one could see her conflict.

_“That’s right, well, you still need to be careful of bears, because I heard that bears can smell you if you are on your period or ovulating or something….Or is that sharks?”_

Rose continued about being careful and to not get eaten by bears. Rey couldn’t help the smile at her friends seeming obsession with bears right now.

While Rose was ranting about a friend of her boyfriends who had a cousin who was attacked by a bear, Rey’s mind wandered the rant fading to the back of her mind.

She knew Rose could go on for a while once she got worked up so she wasn’t worried about responding outside of the occasional ‘uh huh’.

Rey knew her friend meant well, but it wasn’t easy the way Rose made it sound. To just dump Poe and date Ben. As much as Poe frustrated and hurt her sometimes, they had history and she was a person to just drop someone like that.

Outside of her possibly imagined interactions between them where a hand might have lingered too long or a glance was too heated, she didn’t even have any evidence that Ben liked women like that let alone her.

According to Poe and Finn he had never even had a one stand or hookup as far as they knew let alone a girlfriend, but that also applied to his seeming lack of interest in men as well.

The two men had joked about it, that maybe he had a tiny cock, or was just bad in bed and didn’t want anyone to know. They had laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, ignoring Rey who had started glowering at their teasing of her friend.

She had used her most haughty tone to tell them they shouldn’t talk about their friend that way, whether it was true or not. That even if those things happened to be true it didn’t make Ben any less of a wonderful man.

“Ben is too tall, gentle and understanding to not be great in bed! Not to mention if size correlation is to be believed from his feet and hands, he must have a huge cock!”

She had ranted at them in top form thanks to her few drinks, but it wasn’t until her last line that all was silent.

She paled as she realized what she had said.

Rey almost fainted when Finn and Poe gave raucous laughter, clearly too inebriated to realize what she had just admitted to clearly having thought about before.

Her vehement defense of Ben had made the drunken men laugh and make fun of her for having a crush on the ‘gentle giant’. She had given a sigh of relief that her slip hadn’t been noticed, that the two drunken messes hadn’t picked up on her impassioned defense of Ben’s cock or sex life.

Rey knew though that she wasn’t imagining the narrowed eyes and contemplative head tilt Poe had gave her later while sober. She didn’t know what he remembered, it couldn’t be too much since he never brought it up, but he also didn’t make it a secret that he was noticing how many times she went to lunch and hung out with Ben afterward.

Her mouth dried up and she would sweat a bit at the tension in the apartment as she would get ready, her and Poe dancing around each other with him throwing glib comments at her here and there about what they would be doing, where they were going.

Her nerves would jangle all the way out the door and then they were gone the minute she saw Ben standing by his car waiting for her. Opening the door and ushering her in with a steady hand engulfing her lower back like a comforting heating pad.

Thinking like this always made her feel like a bad person. How could she be a good girlfriend if she was always thinking of how sweet and hot her boyfriend’s friend was.

Poe knew she didn’t have it in her to cheat that she would never go there, but he clearly suspected her of having a crush on the darker man.

Both Poe and Rey knew it didn’t matter anyhow. It was all a moot point. Ben wasn’t interested in her that way, and Poe liked to remind her of all the disinterest Ben showed to everyone let alone her.

That if Ben had wanted her that way, he would have made a move by now, no one was that good at the long game.

Poe would mock her with the information offhandedly, when he was feeling particularly cruel and vexed with her.

She knew lashing out verbally was Poe’s way of getting back at her for any perceived slight.

So, she buried her feelings deeply, unwilling to be hurt by either man, Poe’s berating or Ben’s possible rejection of her.

Eventually Rey just started letting the comments roll off her back until he just stopped making them after seeing that they didn’t affect her anymore.

Breaking from her reverie, she noticed with a grin that Rose was still prattling on but thankfully had moved on from bears and was now talking about how hot Swedish men were supposed to be.

Rey just kept folding her clothes with a smile and fondness for her best friend filling her chest.

Nodding along despite the girl on the phone not being able to see it her smile never faltering.

** \--------- **

Rey couldn’t believe that Hux and Poe truly thought she was this stupid.

As if sitting here across from Finn and next to Ben as Hux yelled at Poe in his kitchen wasn’t awkward enough, they just so happened to be arguing about her.

She knew it wouldn’t go over well when Poe informed Hux she would be tagging along, but she wished he would have done it when she wasn’t around and maybe also not a day and a half away from when the trip was happening.

It would have almost been more preferable for Poe to pop her out at the airport, because then there couldn’t be much Hux could or would do in such a public setting outside of glare at them or mutter under his breath.

Finn sat there awkwardly skimming a travel guide to Sweden and Swedish culture trying to pretend he wasn’t listening to everything going on not ten feet away through a very thin wall.

Glancing over to Ben on the other end of the couch looked like he would just about be anywhere else. Scribbling, maybe sketching in his familiar orange notebook, she couldn’t tell without throwing herself into his lap.

Her face flushed at the thought of crawling over him like a cat to paw at his notebook. Maybe she would lay on the book hoping that he would study her with so much intensity.

With a furtive glance at his long, blunt ended, slender fingers and large palms that looked like they could palm her entire head comfortably, she couldn’t help but think he could give awesome pets.

Pinching herself discreetly to stop her wayward thoughts from spiraling further she focused on the only other person in the room.

“So, Finn, how are you doing?”

You would think that she had fired a gun for how startled he acted at her question.

The smaller man visibly jumped at her addressing him drawing raised brows from both Rey and Ben.

“Ummm, I’m ok, h-how are you?”

Finn had never been this jumpy around her, it was weird. They weren’t friends the way her and Ben were, but they were casual acquaintances who hung out through Poe.

Poe had known Finn since they were kids.

It wasn’t like this was the first time they had talked or that it would be out of character for Rey to address him, so why is he so weird right now. Is it because he secretly didn’t want her to come like Hux did, only didn’t have the guts to say it?

Maybe. She could see Finn wanting this to be a trip for the two of them. Poe had made sure before they had really started dating that she would have to accept Finn as a big part of his life, and not interfere with their friendship.

She had emphatically agreed that she didn’t want him to feel like he had to choose.

Rey had always been self-conscious of her place in Poe and Finn’s friendship, but was able to ignore it for the most part.

She was really good at that.

She didn’t want to be one of those girls who didn’t let their boyfriends have friends, especially ones they had had before she came along, but Poe also never made it a priority to talk about the dynamic between the three of them either.

 _There has been more than one time where Poe had clearly chosen time with Finn over me when I needed him most,_ she thought with no small amount of bitterness in her chest, refusing to think about one specific moment.

Leaning forward to settle her elbows on her knees she said, “I’m doing ok, excited about the trip”, she glanced at Ben again with a grin and was certain she saw him grim as well even though he still had his head buried in his notebook, she knew he had been paying attention, “what are you planning to do when we get there?”

Finn had blushed, and stammered before answering, “I was….am planning on sightseeing and maybe exploring, as best as I can anyway since we will be in the middle of nowhere as Ben put it.”

“Indeed”, Ben put his book down next to him on the couch cushion finally including himself, thankfully his deep voice added to their conversation was almost able to drown out the arguing still going on, “we will be so far out, no one could hear you scream.”

Ben says this with an over exaggeration that borders on comical and Rey can’t help but to laugh and Finn just gave what was a small stilted cough rather than a laugh.

Finn always had been intimidated by the larger man, Rey didn’t know why, but she imagined that made it easier for Finn to say the horrible things he often said with Poe about Ben while intoxicated.

Rey hated it and had gotten into more than one fight with Poe over him and Finn badmouthing Ben behind his back. More than once she had threatened to tell Ben what they were doing, but Poe had made it abundantly clear that if she did that then Ben would probably go back home and she would lose one of her only friends.

It might make her a selfish bitch but if it meant Ben stayed here, with her, then let have their little bash fests.

What Ben didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, and she would get to keep him.

That thought drew her up short. ‘Keep him’? He wasn’t hers to keep.

A giant crash thundered from the kitchen drawing everyone to their feet. Hux all red hair and sneering mug stormed past them to the door. All of their breaths caught as the coat rack slammed to the floor, almost muting the sound of the door banging shut a second later.

Poe emerged tiredly from the kitchen leaning on the door frame.

Rey made to go toward him, but stopped at noticing Finn do the same, only he didn’t stop.

She watched Poe lean on Finn and Poe said tiredly, “Ben, could you drive Rey home? Arguing with Hux always wears me out, and I have to get the last of my research ready for the trip.”

Rey stepped forward, about to say that she could help him get his stuff ready, that maybe they could spend some time together before they were around other people for the next two weeks, but he cut her off. 

“Finn will help me right, buddy?”

Finn nodded, his face steadily getting darker as Poe slung his arm over the flustered shorter man’s shoulder heavily.

They looked the ultimate picture of bromance, and Rey couldn’t help the dejection that always settled in whenever Poe chose Finn over her.

She started when she felt Ben grab her wrist gently, but firmly.

“Of course, we all need to make sure we are ready bright and early. Wouldn’t want to leave anything necessary behind.”

Using his other hand on her shoulder, he steered her determinedly toward the door.

“Rey?”

She turned around against the pressure Ben was still exerting which wasn’t an easy task, but she knew, just knew that Poe was gonna ask her to stay and…

“Make sure to pack the folder I left at your place, would you? I need that.”

She saw the sad look Ben gave her as Poe and Finn turned back toward the kitchen without further acknowledgement. Placing his arm over her shoulder similar to how Poe had done with Finn she felt him guide her out of the apartment.

Rey distantly noted the smell of pine and cinnamon on Ben, two things that she felt like shouldn’t go together but made for a very nice combination.

Halfway down the steps to the street Ben cursed under his breath.

“ **Helvete!** ”(Hell!)

Rey looked at him curiously.

“I forgot my sketchbook on the couch.” He ran an agitated hand through his hair looking back up at the apartment two floors above.

Rey knew how important that sketchbook was to Ben.

“I’ll get it.” The offer was out of her mouth before she had even really made the decision, she just hated seeing how distraught Ben was over this.

Rubbing the back of his neck now, drawing her attention there, she saw his Adam’s apple bob nervously, “No, no, if nothing else I will go with you. We can grab the notebook and get you home.”

They knocked on the door assuming Poe would have locked it after them, but after a few minutes and another look at Ben’s anxiety ridden face Rey just tried the knob. It wouldn’t be the first time Poe had absentmindedly left a door unlocked.

And it was unlocked. Rey glanced at Ben and rolled her eyes prompting a huffed laugh.

Rey saw the notebook and grabbed it walking back to Ben who was looking off to the side where Poe’s bedroom doorway was with large eyes.

“Ben? You ok? You look really pale, well more pale than usual.” Rey snickered.

He grabbed her and tried to usher her quickly through but Rey was worried now. He looked panicked and scared almost.

What had he seen?

You know what they say though.

She will remember looking through the doorway in slow motion, but in reality, it all happened pretty fast.

Poe had a mirror in the corner of his room she could see through the doorway. The door wasn’t open all the way, but just enough that she could see the mirror which reflected the bed pretty clearly.

“Poe?”

Her voice wouldn’t come out as anything other than a whisper.

Poe was laying on his bed, on his back, naked. That in itself wasn’t that big an issue, what was the issue was Finn who also happened to be naked, between Poe’s legs.

Enthusiastically sucking Poe’s cock.

Her brain refused to understand what it was seeing, at the same time so much made sense and then nothing at all did.

So, something happened to her, something even the deaths of her parents and sister managed to do.

She fainted.

 **AN:** **Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.**

**Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Updated Warnings and Tags. Check them out to be sure about if you want to keep reading.**

**Kylo/Ben POV chapter**

**I originally had planned to leave this for when they made it to Sweden in the idea that that would be a better reveal for Ben/Kylo’s motivations, but I had Rey faint in the last chapter so this seemed an organic insertion for that.**

**This will be all Ben/Kylo as Rey will be unconscious until at least the end of the chapter, and will include background info., flashbacks, and his overall thought process on everything that is happening.**

**Also, we just might learn a little of just how dark he is here.**

Skit!(Shit)

Ben had known she would react badly when she found out, but he hadn’t dreamed she would faint.

Thankfully he had managed to brace her back before she could hit the floor and alert dumb and dumber about being observed.

But with the amount of noise those two were making he bet that she could drop and they wouldn’t hear a thing.

He slides his arm underneath her legs after pocketing the notebook she had been holding in a clenched fist, securing her to his chest.

Ben took a second, one he probably didn’t have right now, to bend down and smell her hair.

Trying his best to ignore the moaning curses filtering through the other room he closes the door behind them.

Making his way back down the stairs he gently places her in the passenger seat, making sure to buckle her up after he had settled himself into the driver’s seat.

He whispered against the side of her head, “Safety first”, smirking when she squirmed as his breath hit her ear.

Kissing the side of her head he rubbed his lips against her hair admiring the softness of her unbound chestnut hair.

As much as he enjoyed her adorable signature tri bun style, she was very lovely with it free around her face, it would look even better braided in the style of his people.

As one of the elders of their commune his mother knew all of the best braids, and she had always wanted a daughter, but had been unable after she had him so the next best thing for her is when he would take a mate.

His mother has been eager to get her hands on Rey’s hair since she had first seen her portrait that he had drawn.

Glancing at her when they reached a red light, he filled the silence, the way he usually did when they found themselves like this.

“I swear Poe and Finn are the biggest dumbasses alive. They couldn’t wait more than ten minutes after we were out the door before jumping each other. Admittedly though they had been planning on ‘secretly’”, he laughs when he says that because those two were so painfully obvious to everybody but Rey it seemed, “boning each other the entire time we were in Sweden, and Poe’s ‘invitation’ to you kind of blew those ideas.”

He likes talking to her when she is unconscious, even so, Ben can’t wait to have these talks with her awake. She was so smart and funny; he knew she would have a snarky comment on the situation had she not been so affected by it.

There is a certain freedom that he enjoys in these moments, though.

“Maybe, it’s better you found out about them now,” he continued with a sigh, “you can come home with me, without the baggage of a lie hanging over our heads. You really are going to love it there, it’s so much more peaceful and beautiful than this big city.”

He reaches over and clasps her hand with his, it’s limp and slightly clammy, but he knows if he holds her long enough that she will warm up.

He can’t do much about the limpness just yet. He would prefer to touch her while conscious, but he knew that she was too hung up on Poe to let him the way he wanted to while she was awake.

For now.

“I treasure these moments with you, but I do look forward to your participation soon. You’ll get there.”

His voice is firm and solid amidst the soft breathing in the car interior, he knows he is saying it to himself as much as he is her.

Ben takes her to his apartment. He knows that she might feel more comfortable after her traumatic ordeal in her own surroundings, but he wants her in his space right now.

Judging by the shifting and slight moaning coming from her pink lips she was out of it hard still.

She had no idea what that was doing to his cock, he took the hand that was holding hers and reached them both over to shift the cloth of his slacks against his groin to relieve some of the pressure. Feeling her knuckles scrape against the inside of his thigh and against his partially erect cock just makes the situation deliciously worse.

Besides he likes being with her in his own surroundings, the memories keep him warm when she is not around, and he has access to the tools he needs to keep her under as long as he needs her to be.

Safely and within reason of course.

She has been over to his place a few times.

There has been more than one time where she would drink a little too much at a party after being abandoned by Poe for one reason or another or not be alone at her place after a particularly bad nightmare, those happened quite often after what happened with her parents and sister. In those moments she would call him and stay at his place.

She knew she was safe with him and it warmed his heart.

She would sleep in his bed, and as far as she was aware, he slept on the couch.

Entering his place with her in his arms always felt good, and it will feel better when it was his place in his home country.

He knew he was getting slightly ahead of himself; the start of the festival was still four days away and he needed to stay the course until then. He had spent the last two years putting all of the pieces in place and he would be damned if anything, even himself, fucked it up now.

As much as he wanted to jump her the moment she woke up, he also knows the chances of her trying to not go on the trip were high right now.

He would prefer she go willingly, and will do everything in his power to make it so, but he would drug her to an inch of her life and drag her there if he really had to.

He wants to think that now that she knew the truth about Poe and Finn, that he could run his hands through her hair, kiss her, and love her the way he was meant to without worrying about waking her up.

Ben knew that pushing her too far right now could be more harmful than anything, but a part of him didn’t care and was tired of waiting.

Rey would be volatile for a bit until he could calm her down.

He needed to ease her into the idea of them now that she knew Poe would never truly be hers, would have never been hers, because she was his and he was hers.

He would have plenty of time once the festival was over.

Setting her softly down on the large plush sofa he shifted down to her feet, pulling her flats off and her fluffy socks with them.

Taking the time to massage her feet, enjoying the resulting unconscious stretch and curl of her adorable little toes. That was the thing with Rey, everything about her was little, except for her personality of course. He was physically larger than life, but he never felt particularly present personality wise, he had to imagine that’s what drew him to her in the first place, that and her amazing ass.

It didn’t help that he couldn’t really be himself here, in this strange world.

His mother made sure all of the ones who were sent out into the world to find others for the various reasons they needed them, she made sure they all knew that in order to be safe they couldn’t reveal themselves.

Not fully. Just enough to draw the others in. To entice and beguile.

Only certain chosen were allowed to leave and be the harbingers of new blood and sacrifice.

Those who had been found acceptable and trustworthy by the oracle.

His mother had held him and cried the night he had been selected. Sobbed like he had been chosen a sacrifice himself.

In her eyes being a sacrifice would be preferable than being thrown into the outside world.

She had cradled him against her like he didn’t dwarf her.

One second, she was ready to shove him back into her womb to keep him safe, and the next she was elated that he might bring back a mate, someone to keep him home.

Unless he found his mate and integrated her successfully, he would be sent back out into the world to find others for the next gathering.

As it was with all of the chosen.

They were tasked with the glorious purpose of providing for the commune in that way. They were especially praised for bringing back new blood or mates, but the sacrifices were the main goal.

They needed those to appease the gods and ensure successful harvests for the next year.

Last year, on his trip home for the Midsummer, he had been informed by the elders that it was his turn to bring his sacrifices in. He had nodded solemnly and with gratitude, despite the watery eyes his mother attempted to hide from the others, he knew she was scared but she wouldn’t defy the family or the gods.

His mother knew he was picked for a reason, that he had to fulfill his purpose to the gods, and may those gods have mercy if any of the chosen failed.

They never brought their sacrifices all at once, the chosen, as that would draw too much attention from various areas. So, they were chosen in a lottery, two chosen each year, to bring in the next years sacrifices.

He found he was especially lucky to have been able to have it a bit easier than his counterparts. Ben had managed to find a group of people, and men no less, already so self-centered and greedy that they didn’t ask twice before taking advantage of his ‘naive and gullible’ offer to bring them to his family and let them record them to make themselves successful.

It didn’t hurt that he had been able to find a group he was ready to bring back the year he got sent here.

Now running his hands up Rey’s legs, both on the outsides of her muscular thighs he scoffed at the thought of anything about his family being recorded by any outsider.

Bending his body over the arm of the sofa, he braced himself and buried his face in Rey’s groin making sure to take a large inhale at the very center of her.

He loved how pungent she was here. Her scent at its ripest and fullest. It was better when she was ovulating, but he would take what he could get right now.

Besides he knew her cycle would sync up perfectly with the trip, he had made sure of it, and that by the time they were there in Haglan she would be ripe.

He only has to wait a few more days.

He whispers to her how much he wants her, needs her, his body already hard, throbbing and more than ready for what would happen soon.

Sliding up her prone body he continues to touch, mapping all of her secret places he imagines Poe has never taken the time to care about.

He hated that he had needed her with Poe until now, otherwise he would never have had such ready access to her, and to becoming her friend.

\----

**Flashback 4 years ago**

_He couldn’t stop staring at how big the buildings were. He knew he looked like the penultimate sheltered person, but couldn’t help it, and he knew that he wasn’t required to be as composed right now. He was supposed to be an ignorant foreigner, all alone in a strange land, that was the draw._

_Despite the research he and the other chosen were required to do before their foray into the outside world, it would never leave you ready for seeing it up close. Towers rising higher than the tallest tree as far as the eye could see._

_People everywhere, especially now with the college move in day happening around him._

_He was alone, and knew that that was how it had to be, but it didn’t lessen the envy he felt at seeing all the other young adults being hugged and congratulated by their families as they flew the nest._

_He wasn’t sure that was the saying, but he was trying to brush up on things to try and integrate better later._

_He had been excited and awed until now, as his loneliness for his mother and family pushed down upon his bowed shoulders. Feeling more an outsider than ever, he tried to curl in on himself while maneuvering around the confining groups, which was hard considering he was a half a foot taller than most of those around him._

_He didn’t like the press of the bodies against him, wasn’t a fan of touching in general but especially by strangers and he was currently enclosed in them._

_The closest contact he had ever had with strangers were the outsiders brought in by the previous group of chosen each year, and then for only a couple days, if he had even had contact with them at all._

_After Midsummer was over, he didn’t have to interact with or see a stranger again, until the next year._

_Now he felt like he was being attacked by them._

_How could he have ever have been prepared for this?_

_He could feel his breathing speed up and his heart fluttering arrhythmically._

_He felt like he was dying._

**_Was this dying?_ ** _He thought panicked._

_The sounds._

_Laughing, crying, screaming._

_This was so much worse than having to navigate the airport._

_Unending noise assaulted him from all sides._

_Knowing how foolish he looked he placed his hands over his ears to try and block the noise some, but it didn’t help the heat rising in him making him feel light headed and nauseated._

_Just as he was gearing up to make a dash for the door and say fuck the gods, he felt a small warm hand on his arm._

_His eyes followed the tiny appendage up to a slim wrist then to a pale freckled arm. The light from the windows of the lobby shined around her auburn hair like a golden halo in the paintings he loved and tried to emulate._

_Down a smooth forehead to a pair of crinkled hazel eyes that were looking up at him with a hint of amusement but mostly concern._

**_She’s a goddess._ **

_Was his first thought._

**_The gods knew I was having trouble and sent her to me._ **

_There was no other explanation for him right now._

_Then she opened her pink mouth and talked to him._

_To him._

_“Hi, my name is Rey. You look like you could use some help.”_

_\---_

He had known right away that she was his.

Rey had helped him gather his bearings, and his bags, navigating the throng of people naturally.

\---

_She held his hand to pull him along like she wasn’t half his size._

_He wanted no one else but her to touch him for the rest of his life._

_He followed behind her wordlessly as she chattered and explained how she had made sure to know the layout of the campus just in case the same thing happened to her._

_He listened to her musical voice and tried to think of something other than, “Be with me forever”, to her._

_He knew from his research that outsider women, especially ones around his age, wouldn’t appreciate it and would most likely run the opposite way._

_Kylo, no Ben, he needed to remember that was his name here, had to play this cool._

_Right as he was ready to talk, he realized she had gotten him to a Resident Administrator, she was explaining he was having trouble, and wasn’t even sure he could understand her._

_Shit, now she thought he was infirm or something._

_But before Ben could speak up, she was walking away waving at him._

_\----_

He didn’t see her again until Poe had introduced them two years later.

He had immediately recognized her, especially since she hadn’t left his mind.

Rey apparently had not recognized him.

Admittedly he had let his hair grow out and was dressed much differently, though he couldn’t blame her for not equating the deer in the headlights he had been with who he portrayed himself as now since gaining more confidence in his surroundings.

Their fateful meeting the second time only reinforced the message he knew the gods were trying to send.

Ben had to stay on mission though.

As important as she was, he had to bring back these idiots.

That was the only way he was able to keep going the last two years, with her dating Poe if it could even be called that.

To know that while Poe might have her now, she would be his forever soon enough, and it let him into her life in ways Poe would never get to be.

As her ‘friend’ he was able to know everything about her without having to worry about her finding out too much too soon about him.

He knew that the group he brought back, Poe, Finn and Hux would all pay for the indignities they put her and him through.

Ben couldn’t believe that they thought he was stupid enough to not realize what they really thought about him and said behind his back.

He was knocked out of his increasingly dark thoughts by the shifting of Rey’s hips under his hands.

He had been squeezing them without thinking, and he loosened them immediately.

Being careful with her was his first priority, so that she wouldn’t get suspicious, and because he didn’t want to hurt her.

He couldn’t risk bruising her like he had their first time, not yet at least, one day though he wanted to paint her in bruises caused by them loving each other.

Ben had been over enthusiastic the first time he had been like this with her and squeezed her hip too hard just by not paying attention, he often had to remind himself of his own strength.

Making up a story when she had woken up the next day, shocked about the dark purple mark on her body, about how she had bumped into a table.

Thankfully she had not questioned the individual marks indicating she would have had to bump into the table multiple times.

Shifting his hands to her thighs to open them enough to get his face further between them and nudge his nose against where her clit would be through her panties and leggings.

Moaning at the smell of her getting stronger where her moisture was leaking through, Ben danced his tongue lightly over the patch of wetness.

She was so sweet it made his tongue tingle.

Leaning up to gently lift her under the arms so to make enough room for him to kneel at the end of the couch.

He had had to do back stretches for days after last time, due to him not paying attention to how long he was crouched over her, and since he was about to spend ---hours on a plane and then basically two days in a car he wasn’t looking forward to throwing his back out right now.

Taking his cock out and stroking it in time with his tongue, grimacing at the dry rub of his hand.

Focusing his thoughts, stroking faster as he looked up along her supple, still body he decided to be a bit daring. Ben knew he was pushing his luck, but he didn’t care right now. He wanted to see her face as he as much as he wanted to orgasm between her thighs with her.

Crawling up her body, he slid his pants down just a bit further to free himself.

Lowering himself on top gently he made sure not to obscure her breathing, pushing her knees up to settle further into the cradle of her hips.

He palmed his cock and settled his heavy erection along the seam of her clothed pussy.

Pushing her head up he wet her dry lips with a perfunctory swipe of his long tongue before he met them with his, and it was as beautiful as it usually was.

He started moving his hips and the feeling was so intense the thought that he could cum already passed his mind, but he wanted to hold out for her, she deserved it after what she had been through.

Her little movements and light thrusting against him weren’t helping things go slow, but Rey’s unconscious reactions to him touched his heart, because it showed what her rational mind refused to see, that they belonged together.

Moving faster now, he thrust his tongue into her mouth eagerly playing with hers. His heavy breathing filled the quiet apartment accompanied by the slight squeak of couch cushions.

Judging by the raspy moans that were bubbling against his lips from her throat they both were close to reaching their peaks.

He lost his composure and his resolve to pull away before cumming, as to not have to clean up so much before she woke, when she surprisingly pulled her legs tight around his hips trapping him like never before.

His cock thudded in time with his heart and he could feel the moisture from his seed and her pussy slipping and sliding between them. It was hot and sticky and it made his head swim with the power of the orgasm rushing through his veins and the feel of her pulse thudding through her swollen folds as she orgasmed as well.

Convinced he was found and that he was actually going to have to go through with his unwanted mental threat of drugging and dragging her home, he pulled away from her mouth, slowly ebbing off of his thrusts even though he wanted to do anything but stop.

Ben braced himself for the resulting ass kicking as he readied to meet her accusing eyes, he was shocked to see her eyes still closed, and her post orgasm breathing evening out. Her legs were still locked around him, with his softening cock still sandwiched between them.

Ok, this was new.

Ben couldn’t help the urge to nuzzle her throat, inhaling her scent mixed with his. Resting his eyes, he imagined what it would be like when they were back in Sweden.

He was all but purring as he felt her breasts rise and fall against him gently imagining the babies he would sire with her that would do the same.

He had never had the nerve to touch her without a little extra help from his mother’s herb cocktails, and he had never gone so far with her as this evening.

He had touched, fondled, even tasted a bit, but never come so close to actually completing the act.

Ben wanted to save his first time for when she was awake and aware of what she did to him. Their first time together shouldn’t be felt through a drugged haze, and he wanted her to know that the one who made her feel these things was him.

He extricated himself from her vice grip, no east feat, and started to clean her up as best he could, wiping between her legs before realizing this was a lost cause.

Too many fluids had seeped onto her leggings, he managed to slip them off with minimal effort and decided to tuck them into the bottom of his suitcase.

Another memento.

Thankfully her leggings were thick enough that too much of the fluids hadn’t soaked her there, and it could just be attributed to her own natural fluids.

Taking a moment to admire her bare legs and slightly wet panties he covered her gently with a patchwork blanket made by one of the groups of younger ladies as a present before he had left.

Each patch was a rune and had meaning that was supposed to remind him of his responsibilities to the commune and the gods.

As if he could forget.

It seemed appropriate that he should observe his Rey under it now, on the eve before their trek home.

If everything went right over these next few days, they would never leave home again.

\---

She stirred little less than an hour later.

He made sure to strategically place himself so that he could observe her without being obvious about it, as he did nothing else but draw her in his latest notebook.

He had so many of them, most of their pages consisted of her in some form, but they were also for documentation to bring back to the commune as a window to the outside world.

Rey had received no messages from Poe, not a total surprise, as he was probably still indisposed with Finn.

He just watched her shift for a bit before her lovely lashes fluttered open. He could see the confusion and then her eyes cleared. He saw the moment that she remembered.

Ben felt the moment her eyes found him as well, but made sure to not act like he noticed her seeing him, letting her appear to have this moment to herself and to think.

He had steeled himself and had memorized all of the lines, rebuttals, arguments he could to anything she might bring up to argue against going in the face of this new reality she found herself in.

The one where her boyfriend was either gay or bi.

Ben didn’t care if Poe was a Martian as long as he never put his hands on Rey again.

The sad thing is for Poe, is that Ben knew he actually cares for if not loves Rey, and Rey loves Poe enough that she probably could have gotten behind him being bi if it made him happy.

But…

Now looking over at her, seeing her watery eyes staring down at pale clenched hands.

She would never accept being betrayed and cheated on, no matter the sexual orientation.

Poe had done a lot of horrible things she had forgiven, overlooked, or condoned, but being turned away for someone else, behind her back.

That was as good as burning the book of their relationship as far as she was concerned, he knew.

He hated that he was about to argue that she should have to stomach their presence for almost two weeks, but he needed her to go on this trip, almost as much as he needed those three morons.

He was however shocked when her inhale didn’t turn into the burst of anger he was expecting, instead it manifested into a howl the likes he had only ever heard from the woods as a child.

Something wild and untamed burst from her mouth and startled him into standing, rushing to her side afraid.

He held her tightly like a vice, refusing to let her go no matter how she struggled and fought.

It reminded him of the night he held her after the news of her parents and sister, except this time he wasn’t letting her run away.

She wailed like a banshee, and he joined her in the ways of his people, his deeper voice echoing hers.

Mourning her lost and betrayed love with her.

He hated Poe, hated that the stupid man had had what Ben would kill for and cast it aside like trash, but he hated that Rey was hurting more.

He hated that Rey would probably hurt even more before all of this was over, as necessary as it may be, he still didn’t like it.

They stayed like that for so long that his legs fell asleep where they were encircling her, his shoulders burning from staying steady through her thrashing fit, and his voice was starting to grow hoarse but he refused to stop until she was finished.

He would endure her pain with her, and show her he could weather this and any other hurt she had by her side.

That he wouldn’t abandon her when she needed him, and he wouldn’t let her run or hide from him.

Finally, she started to taper off, her voice squeaking now and her flailing died down to light taps against his thighs, her head falling softly to his shoulder as her now unbound hair streamed along his restraining arm.

He was thankful, he didn’t have much energy left, after his orgasm, lack of sleep, and stressing about this he was almost running on fumes.

Deciding to take advantage of her lethargy, Ben picked her up with much more effort than usual due to her limp form, and maneuvered them into his bedroom.

He knew she was tired when he slid under the covers with her face to face, threw his leg over her bare ones, tangled his hands in her hair and she didn’t bat an eye.

Even with him fully clothed this felt so much more intimate than any time he had ever touched her, she was awake now, and letting him rub her and soothe her.

He had known it would be more wonderful than when she was asleep, but this was so much more.

Ben took a chance and started talking, hoping to get his thoughts through to her while she was still docile and in the middle of her shock.

He told her how she would still go on the trip, how she wouldn’t let Poe and Finn get to her.

She would stay near him, and he would protect her.

That she would be going for him and for herself, that he needed and wanted her there more than anything.

His lovely best friend.

She whispered back everything he was saying.

This was going so much better than he could have hoped, but he knew that as with all things Rey, the kickback would be coming.

He ignored the stirring in his groin as she looked up at him, the dim light from the street lamps filtering through his blinds across her face.

Gods how he wanted to kiss her right now.

Instead Ben tucked her drooping head under his chin, humming a lullaby to her, his mother would sing this particular song to him when the nightmares were too much, and now he would give his song to her.

He watched her drift off a tiny almost there smile on her lips.

 **AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Going to start mixing POV’s in chapters since everyone is going to be around each other.**

**Also, I know this has been a bit of a slow burn so far, but things are going to get jumping starting with this chapter.**

**It’ll make sense in the long run I hope lol.**

**Also, please comment. I know how I want this to end, but getting there is starting to frustrate me, and I am seriously struggling with the next chapter where I am usually two chapters ahead by now. If you all comment some ideas, I might be able to incorporate them or draw from them in the upcoming chapters. I hate doing this, and feeling like I am begging for comments because I want you all to comment if you want to, but I am lost here and I do not want to skip a week or get bummed and fall off the wagon on this.**

**Please enjoy.**

If she weren’t so emotionally drained, she would be cackling her head off right now.

For once she was slightly glad for the defenses her mental state had in shutting off her thought processes when she felt especially overwhelmed.

Rey was also grateful that she had Ben to take care of everything while she shut down without her even asking. Among all of the other things he had managed to take care of he had gathered their bags, answered her messages, and gotten them through security with minimal effort and thought from her.

But had she known that the way to actually get her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend-she really needed to tell Poe about this update in their status-, to actually pay attention to her was to ignore him then she would have done it years ago.

Would have saved her a whole lot of time and headache.

As it stood, she couldn’t seem to care if Poe was trying and failing to hover around her in the airport terminal, or his growing irritation when Ben managed each time to swat him away like an annoying gnat each time he got too close.

She couldn’t really find it in herself to care about much, but fortunately, or unfortunately her numbness and apathy had started to wear off an hour into their wait.

She wished Ben hadn’t gotten them here so early.

Ben himself was being strange, well, stranger than usual she was starting to realize.

Ever since she had woken up this morning with Ben wrapped around her like a constrictor, he had been excitable and frankly touchy in a way he had never been before.

Watching him flutter like a bee on speed had made her feel momentarily guilty for making him do everything to get them to the airport, but when she saw his huge crooked smile she had allowed herself to sink back into her comfortable blank space assuming that he was alright with everything because of his excitement to go home.

It didn’t take long to wonder what else was going on with him.

He had taken every opportunity he could find she felt to touch and pet her.

She was so shut down at the time she hadn’t cared what he did, trusting him to get them to where they needed to be but now that she was falling back into herself, she noticed his changes and couldn’t help but feel nervous.

She acknowledged distantly that had she been in control of her full faculties that he would be setting off a few of her internal alarms with his erratic and out of the norm behavior, but she also couldn’t deny the thrill of pleasure being fawned over gave her.

She has never really had anybody treat her so delicately before.

Without the haze of feeling and emotion behind her perceptions she was noticing things she hadn’t really.

It felt like a fuzzy curtain was being pulled aside in her head and didn’t know how to feel about it.

Glancing at Poe and Finn, practically sitting in each other’s laps, trying to be discreet, wondering now how she had managed to delude herself for so long about the so called ‘bro-mance’.

They were knee to knee with Finn grazing Poe’s thigh occasionally and leaning over to whisper in Poe’s ear every time he glanced at her worryingly.

She narrowed her eyes at Finn and could only imagine what he was saying, what shit he was talking about her to Poe, she knew now she couldn’t trust or take for granted what was going on behind his dark eyes. They might appear to be warm and comforting, but now she knows what lies behind them and it was betrayal and deceit.

The same for Poe’s caramel eyes flicking in her direction every time Ben rubbed a hand on her shoulder or brushed a strand of hair from her face because she just didn’t care to.

She didn’t miss the not so subtle aggression Ben would give off every time Poe would make a move to stand and walk over, or the subsequent smirk he would give the shorter man when he backed off thanks to Finn’s restraining hand.

She hadn’t even been aware that Ben knew what a smirk was, and if the confusing warmth in her nether regions was anything to go by at seeing it, he knew how to utilize it well.

She couldn’t help but wonder why the gentle giant seemed to be almost baiting his friend into confronting him, but she didn’t like it.

She didn’t want to confront Poe at all, let alone anytime soon.

Poe was just as bad, Finn was selfish and an ass, but he was the one with obligations and supposed feelings for and to her.

Hux for his part was hidden behind a travel book on Sweden and consulting his thesis notes seemingly ignoring them all, and for once she was glad for his asshole-ish indifference to the world outside of his own little bubble.

But now it was all sinking in, reality was crashing back, and she was realizing that confronting Poe and Finn was more likely with each passing second.

Not to mention needing to figure out just what was up with Ben, which seemed to be a whole other can of worms she wasn’t sure she wanted to open.

Why did it feel like she was losing control of her own life?

Her eyes shot to the side spotting her utter salvation.

Standing up suddenly she noticed everyone but Hux’s eyes shot to her in surprise.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

I walk away without glancing at any of them.

\----

**Ben-POV**

Three sets of eyes belonging to myself, Poe, and Finn followed Rey as she moved like a zombie through the terminal toward the restrooms.

My little one.

I have been so worried since she woke up.

She hasn’t said two words until now, not even when he was petting her and trying to coax a reaction from her.

Not to say he didn’t like touching her and loving on her, but he wanted his spirited hellcat back, not this quiet subdued ghost of his girl that just let him do whatever he wants.

“What the hell Ben? What’s going on with Rey? Why won’t she talk to me?”

Taking a deep breath to fortify myself I look back over at Poe, doing my best not to glare at him and Finn, who was just looking at Poe worriedly.

I had to keep reminding myself I hopefully wouldn’t have to deal with them much longer, gods willing.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. She hasn’t said anything to me all morning. Maybe you did something or she’s tired of being treated like a hora(whore).”

Poe just glared clenching his teeth and stood up storming to the bathrooms clearly to confront Rey.

The idea of stopping him glanced through his brain, but he kind of wanted to see how Rey would deal with this on her own.

He had expectations, and hoped she would meet them here.

Instead he stood up and made his way to the ticket stand and proceeded to talk to the middle-aged lady quietly.

He could feel Finn’s burning gaze on the back of his head the entire time.

\---

**Rey-POV**

Rey learned early in life that no one was above hurting her, and that no amount of love in her life would come without some pain.

Her bio parents, foster parents, sister, Poe, Finn.

The only person she cared about so far that hadn’t hurt her, was Ben.

She wanted to trust people.

But it was hard when all odds in her life pointed to not being able to.

She had believed she had a boyfriend who if not emotionally intelligent, cared for her enough to not betray her.

She had believed that while she could impersonally acknowledge that Ben was attractive that she wasn’t into him that way.

But the dream she had had last night proved otherwise.

Ben’s reactions over the last few hours were so different from usual.

He had pretty much refrained from a lot of personal affection or being touchy feely over the last two years.

She had always thought it was a cultural thing so she hadn’t pushed him, but he hadn’t had a hand off of her since she woke up this morning.

They didn’t feel like the impersonal touches of a friend either, but that could always be her tainting his attempts at comfort with her own confused emotions and physical attraction toward him.

Looking at herself in the mirror above the sink, she saw how pale and wane she looked.

Limp dark hair, circles under her eyes, and skin as pale as Ben’s.

Shaking her head to stop the welling tears.

Rey knew that with the betrayal she just experienced that she was probably emotionally compromised and her decisions probably weren’t sound.

She didn’t care.

Rey was so tired of worrying, feeling pathetic, and allowing others to make her feel less than.

She was fed up with not being able to fully enjoy life in the fear of being hurt.

For the first time in her life, she decided to ignore the odds of being hurt.

This decision allowed her a sense of clarity she feels she hasn’t had in her entire life.

She was going to use this opportunity to renew herself and change, something she had never really done, so afraid of not being accepted by one person or another.

Her life was her own, and she was going to live for herself.

Taking another deep breath, she glared at herself in the mirror, feeling like her inner resolution was reflected already in the glint in her eyes and the flush her face was showing.

Rey looked and felt more alive to herself than she had in months.

*BAM!*

Her head shoots to the side, jumping out of her reverie at the slamming of the restroom door.

“What the hell is going on Rey! Why do I need to confront my own girlfriend in the bathroom like this? Why won’t you talk to me, usually I can’t get you to shut up, and now I’m chopped liver to you?”

She could only grit her teeth and could feel an unfamiliar feeling fill her as she gazed at the chest of the man no less than forty-eight hours ago, she would have proclaimed her love for from the rooftops. She didn’t want to see his confused, angry, afraid face, because she didn’t know what she was going to do if she did.

If her thoughts had a color, red would be it, because all of her thoughts were tinged with blood, fire, viscera.

She had to imagine that the feeling was rage, the burning in her chest and head.

A new emotion, unlocked.

She felt like an inferno, even her hair felt like it was on fire.

Was this normal?

It made her even more angry that he was forcing her to confront him now, because of course he was.

She had been determined to not even talk to him the entire time if that’s what it took to make this trip palatable for them all, but of course leave it to Poe to not think about what others want.

It was only when she felt herself jolt and the weight of his hands on her that she looked into his face, and her head exploded in a fiery light show of pain right behind her eyes.

She reactively jerked away from the hands on her shoulders.

“The fuck Rey? Now you don’t even want to be touched by me?”

“Why would I want to be touched by someone who cheats on me and fucks his best friend behind my back?”

They both looked at each other, shocked, her because she hadn’t really meant to say it that way, and by the look on Poe’s face of all the things that could have come out of her mouth it wasn’t that.

“Wh-what are you…”

“I’m talking about,” making sure to look him right in the eye so he could see how serious she was, “you, Finn and him blowing you just last night.”

There is was, out in the open, like a fresh, bleeding wound.

She took a step forward, and couldn’t help the glee she felt when he took a step back into the door of the room.

“I’m talking about you cheating on me. I’m talking about, you abandoning me.”

She could see the utter fear and terror on Poe’s face, and while his shock made her happy, this confused her, why was he so scared?

He was the one who had fucked around on her, so why did he look like she had just threatened to stab him in the face?

“Rey, I don’t,” She could see him gulp around his heavy fast breathing, “You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?! You cheated on me! I saw it with my own eyes! How long?” here she stepped into his space more, questions fired off like bullets from a pistol, and he flinched as if she were actually shooting at him.

He seemed to grow smaller with each question, and it caused her to draw up short once more.

This was not the way she thought this would go, admittedly she had been almost catatonic for the last twelve hours, but this felt wrong.

“I didn’t cheat on you with Finn!” His voice cracked across the space between them like a whip.

“LIAR!”

“I cheated on Finn with you,” he looked up at her through his lashes now, the water leaking from his eyes making them shimmer, “technically, anyway.”

This drew her up short, and as if he had physically pushed her away, she reeled away leaning against the sink heavily.

“What?” Her voice was small and it served to make her mad again, because she wanted to be incredulous, pissed, and she deserved to be.

Poe looked at her, seeming to both deflate and rise up before her eyes.

Where once there was a man who was confident, put together, and overall a happy go lucky fuckhead, it was like he was pulling back layers before her eyes.

He somehow managed to look so young and sad in this moment, resigned, desperate eyes took her in and the breath he inhaled was like he had just come up from drowning.

“Rey,” he started, “It’s about time you knew the truth, and I want to apologize for deceiving you for so long. It’s not just you though. Finn and I have been hiding from everyone who and what we are to each other since we were fifteen.”

“What?”

“We have loved each other since we were children, but because of where we come from it would be impossible for us to be together publicly.”

“But you’re in college now, for four years! Why did you have to drag me into this?! Break my heart and treat me the way you have! If you are gay, and want to hide it for whatever reason, then why not just not date anyone?”

She feels like she is breaking, just this side of cracking, her voice bordering on hysterical at all of the information being thrown at her and yet she feels it would never be enough explanation.

Poe gives her a sympathetic grimace and slides down to sit on the floor with a heavy thump.

They stayed in there for a while, Poe softly telling her his story. As if he spoke any louder it would shatter what small amount of peace had enveloped them.

She could only stare at the floor as Poe recounted how he and Finn came from a small town in the middle of the South, how his chief of police father would have him kill himself than to admit that not only was he in love with a boy, but a black boy. How Finn would have been killed by all of his friends and disowned by his family if they knew he was making out with a white boy every chance he could.

Poe also told her how he had been cornered by his father before he left for college and informed him in no uncertain terms how he expected Poe to act, and to not embarrass him or he would have to make a trip up to them and pay Finn a visit.

He had cried on the floor as his father had told him he knew about what he had been doing with Finn for years, but it was stopping now, that he was going to stop his ‘faggot nonsense’ and be a real man if it killed him.

After his father had figured out that he didn’t care what happened to himself, he had taken to threatening Finn, and how he would make Poe watch the only person he had ever loved die a slow painful death for ‘corrupting’ him.

So of course, Poe agreed, and he basically became what his father wanted but he had refused to give up Finn, even if they weren’t allowed to be together the way they wanted they were best friends and needed each other.

Poe’s father had said he could eye fuck Finn all he wanted as long as they were keeping each other’s dicks in their pants.

He fucked girls left and right to please his father, but he had refused to become involved with any of them. He didn’t want anyone possibly gaining feelings for someone that couldn’t love them back.

No matter how much her feelings for him had managed to dull and fade in the last day, and admittedly probably had been fading since he had abandoned her when her family had died, it still hurt to hear that he had never cared about her the way she had him.

“Why me then?”

She hadn’t meant to interrupt, knew that what he was saying was important, but she needed to know so much. Why he had had that sense of respect for other girls, but not her. Why had she been allowed to be hurt?

Normally she would feel selfish for making something this serious for him about herself, but she refused to let that happen because he had decided she was a part of this clusterfuck when he pursued her relentlessly the way he had and she deserved answers.

He just sighed again.

“I do love you, Rey, maybe not the way you want, but I just want you to know it wasn’t all a lie. I know I fucked you over, and I hate myself for it, but not enough to give up Finn. You were special to me, and I care for you, wanted to take care of you the way I hadn’t been taken care of. But I saw what being with you and caring for you publicly, was doing to Finn how it broke his heart, and I grew to resent you for it. Undeservedly so, admittedly. I had hoped if I was sucky enough you would just break it off with me, then my father wouldn’t be able to say I was to blame, but you never did. None of this was your fault Rey.”

She knew he was trying to make her feel better, as better as she could feel in this fucked up situation. She appreciated the attempt, but it was futile and watching the slump of his shoulders after his words, he knew it as well.

“What about your dad then? I know he is still around, but I haven’t heard you talk about him since…”

Since before her parents and sister died.

“He’s sick. On his deathbed actually. Stage four cancer. Finn stopped contact with his family after we came to college,” Poe looks down shamefaced, “he’s stronger than I ever was, but he never blamed me. Even when he should have. I need you to know something Rey.”

His voice got serious and she looked up. Watching him scoot over to her and reach for her hands.

She flinched away, face turning, hands clenched like he was a viper just getting ready to shoot her full of venom.

He stopped, his hands falling to his sides, fists bunched.

“I never cheated on you until last night.”

She looked up again, shocked.

“What?”

“Finn and I kissed a few times, and when we drank, we came close, but we never went as far as we had last night. Neither of us, wanted to hurt you that way. But after you and Ben left last night, we were talking about everything, with my dad almost being gone, and it just happened. We were so tired, and one thing led to another.”

His shrug told her that he really believed that it had all happened out of nowhere.

In the end, the reasoning behind it all didn’t matter, it had happened and her feelings weren’t hurt any less.

However, she hated to admit it did lessen the sting a bit, to know that he had been relatively faithful to her.

Physically if not emotionally.

“Rey, there is something else,” he spoke again, “I know you have no reason to trust me, and that that is my own fault, but I need you to know that despite how things have ended with us that you cannot trust Ben Solo.”

Here she stood up.

“What? Why would you say that? He’s our friend and he’s never done anything to hurt me, unlike some people.”

She could tell the barb had hit home with his accompanying flinch, but he shook it off and kept speaking.

“I have no real evidence, but everyone we know has the same feelings about him. He seems like a good guy, but there is something off. Something dark. He’s never done any-…”

Rey stops him with an imperious wave of her hand.

“I will not sit here and have the man who cheated on me for the last four years,” she could see out of the corner of her eye how he attempted to correct her on that, as if it mattered and stopped him with a glare, “tell me to be wary of and to not trust the one person who has taken care of me and had my back despite everything.”

He stopped short.

“We are going to be within the same vicinity as each other for the next two weeks. That’s a situation we can do nothing about right now, as much as I wish I could. So, here’s how it’s going to go.”

Rey knew her tone was new to Poe, because it was new to her. Never had she spoken so clearly and strongly before. Telling him what is what this way with no expectations for it to go any other way or him to protest.

“We aren’t pretending things are okay, and we aren’t together anymore. You and Finn can have your time and I won’t say anything as long as you keep it away from me. I don’t care that you are gay or that you two are together now, but it still hurts.”

He just nodded, head bowed, and clenched his already mottled hands harder.

“I will stay with Ben as much as possible,” Poe opens his mouth as if to argue this, “and you won’t say a goddamned word about it because it’s none of your business anymore. Hopefully one day we can be friends, it definitely won’t be now or even soon, but I won’t ignore you guys. I’m hurt, and I hate you both a little bit, but I understand your situation as much as I possibly can and I empathize with you.”

His head lowered at this, both of them knowing that by saying this that she was being the bigger person and basically letting him off the hook for his numerous lies over the last four years. She could see the shame race across his features, and she felt bad for it, but not bad enough to ignore that he deserved it.

“It doesn’t hurt that you will be busy taking notes and getting information on this commune so you should be pretty busy. That wasn’t a lie too was it?”

“No, it wasn’t a lie, I am doing my thesis on the midsummer festivals. This group is so elusive that no one even knows they exist basically, so I will need to get as much information on them as I can, as I don’t think we will be able to come back after.”

“Good. We shouldn’t need to have too much contact after this.”

She sighed, feeling so very weary and exhausted.

Rey stepped around Poe to the door. Stopping with her hand on the knob her back to Poe.

“I’m going to nap before the flight. You can talk to Finn and explain things if you want. Tell him I have nothing to say to him so not to approach me please. Do you want me to talk to Ben about this? I won’t if you don’t want me to, since you seem so on edge about him.”

She knew she was affording him a huge courtesy, but she couldn’t help it. Poe was someone she still cared for despite everything, and she didn’t feel like his story was hers to tell if he diodnt want her to.

“Yeah, thanks. I don’t want Ben knowing this. Please.”

She continued to speak with her back turned, but she could feel his eyes burning into her back.

“Okay, but you should know, Ben already knows something about you two, because he was with me last night when I saw you together.”

She could hear Poe’s gasp, she imagined he was fearful of anyone else knowing about them. She didn’t blame him. They had been keeping this secret for almost twelve years and in the span of one night two people knew about it.

“He is the only reason you didn’t find me on the floor of your apartment. He took care of me, and made sure we made it here on time. Real shady guy huh?”

She didn’t bother waiting for his reactions to those statements and walked out.

Not making it far as she busted her nose on something hard.

Apologizing for bumping into someone who clearly was waiting to use the bathroom, and god knows how long they took in there.

She reflects that they very likely could have missed the flight for all she knew.

Rey looks up to see Ben who was the one she had ran into pushes her behind him as a teary and red-faced Poe emerges from the bathroom.

She sees Poe spot Ben and his restraining hand on her shoulder, and glares.

She doesn’t see Ben, or the seemingly innocuous smile on his face directed at Poe, when he says, “Come, our flight is getting ready to board.”

 **AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: So they will be landing in Sweden after this chapter.**

**This chapter gave me the most trouble out of any of the ones I have written so far. So I hope that you all like it and let me know if you do.**

**I absolutely adored the responses I got after the last chapter and I just want you all to know I love you all for letting me know what you think. You all really helped push me through this hump chapter*wink wink* lol.**

**Enjoy!**

It was a good thing Rey was on a thirteen-hour nonstop flight, because she sure did need some time to think.

She couldn’t tell if her world was falling apart or solidifying into something else, but she definitely was sure that it was confusing.

In less than forty-eight hours she had gone from a relatively solid four-year relationship to being single and finding out she was attracted her best friend.

Said best friend was acting increasingly strange since her and Poe had exited the bathroom.

She imagined he was trying to protect her from getting hurt or possibly even giving in to Poe trying to get her back, especially with the way he had clearly altered their seats on the flight.

She had originally been supposed to sit next to Poe, with the other three men sitting together nearby a few rows back.

As they had scanned their tickets however they had been informed that their tickets must have gotten mixed up and that because of the crowded flight they were supposed to stick to assigned seating.

She had glanced at Ben’s small smirk in Poe’s direction and by the glare in response she knew that Ben was aware and did not care that they knew what he had done.

The real question she didn’t know how to figure out was exactly what was Ben’s endgame.

Was Poe right, was Ben into her and just a really good actor?

She glances to her right as she is against the window with Ben in the aisle seat boxing her in.

He was crunched up like a sardine his knees touching the seat in front of him.

It had to be uncomfortable for the large man, but his face didn’t reflect anything other than calm and serenity.

Could this gentle giant really be as dangerous as Poe claimed?

Or was Poe just trying to draw her attention away from what him and Finn had done, by making her suspicious of Ben?

Rey also couldn’t discount that Poe just didn’t want her to end up with Ben, they are exes technically, so she could see Poe just not wanting to see his ex with a friend of his, so he would tell her to be careful of him.

She wasn’t sure of much anymore, but she did know that Ben had never given her a reason to not trust him, as opposed to Poe.

So, until then, she trusted Ben.

The plane was bumpy thanks to some turbulence, but it was nice, almost.

Like a giant cradle rocking thirty thousand feet in the air.

Her eyes were drooping and she could feel a yawn creeping up her chest.

Not realizing she had continued her sleepy perusal of Ben while in thought, she was jolted when he turned his reclined head and his knowledgeable dark hazel eyes met hers.

His pupils were blown wide and his plush lips pulled upward just the tiniest amount, so small as to barely be recognized as a smile had she not been looking so closely.

He was beautiful.

She could feel her face blush at being caught admiring him.

 _Damn it_ , she thought, _I really am doing my best to make this trip the most awkward experience possible_.

Neither of them looking away, the unintentional intensity of their locked gazes caused her to breath just a bit harder, or maybe it was the thinning atmosphere outside the window.

“I’m sorry.”

The words barely registered as coming from her own mouth until she saw his eyes widen and he replied.

“What?”

Rey’s eyes reflexively shifted downward as she explained.

“I…We..fucked up your trip, and yeah, I know that some of them were coming for school stuff but I know that you only get to see your mother and your people only once a year and we”, gesturing behind her with a slight tilt of her head where she could feel Poe and possibly Finn glaring at the back of her and Ben’s heads tilted toward each other, “fucked that up for you…”

Ben tried to interject but she just held up a hand imperiously and he quirked his lips as he motioned for her to continue.

“Even if it doesn’t bother you, it bothers me, and I just need to apologize, because I know it won’t come from anyone else.”

She ended with a roll of her eyes toward the back of the plane indicating who they both knew she was talking about.

She took a deep breath and continued, hearing how tired she felt in the sigh she let out.

“I will do my best to make sure that this doesn’t affect the trip any more than it has.”

His eyes which had been focused on her during her rambling apology, now shifted down, to what she assumed was her mouth.

She licked her lips reflexively, secretly enjoying the way his eyes darkened again and melted into a decadent chocolate.

Ben replied when his eyes made their trek back up to hers.

“Rey, you have nothing to apologize for, and even though it means being near such a sordid situation you are still coming with me. It means a lot.”

He reached over and engulfed her freezing hand in his large warm one, squeezing lightly, and started rubbing his thumb over the knuckles of her relaxed hand hypnotically.

“You, mean a lot.”

She didn’t know where Ben’s sudden bout of uncharacteristic boldness was coming from, but she kind of liked it.

Rey didn’t know the etiquette for having just ended a relationship and then turn around and imagining what your best friend looks like without a shirt is, but she hoped it wasn’t frowned upon too much.

There was something refreshing about him being so open right now, maybe it was just realizing the last four years of her romantic life had been a sham, but honesty was really nice right now.

It also wasn’t helping her blush which had just started to recede with her apology, clearing her throat trying her best to ignore the way his hand still curled around hers.

“So, what sort of things can we expect when we get to Halsingland?”

“Well”, he sits back now, contemplative look on his face furrowing his broad brow.

“We will have a lot of driving, but not as much since I got us to an airport relatively close to our destination. It’s a smaller airport, but at least a few hours closer than by flying with a bigger commercial airline.”

Well that explains why they were flying on such a small plane that couldn’t hold more than thirty people max.

Rey was glad she wouldn’t have to spend two days in a car with everyone.

Ben continues with a smile, “It also means that we will have more time to linger before heading to the actual festival grounds.”

“Why wouldn’t we just head straight there?” She inquired with a head tilt.

“Because we cannot enter the grounds until the beginning of the festival, no outsiders are allowed on the grounds until then.”

Rey nodded, it made sense.

“So what? We will just sit under a tree for a day and a half?”

She was mostly joking, but was also slightly concerned that it was the case until she saw his crooked tooth baring smile. His amusement lit his face causing a fluttering in her chest that she didn’t hate, but certainly didn’t know what to do with.

He said with a chuckle, “No, we will be using small shelter provided by my people that are located a few miles away from the main grounds. A small hike, but necessary to keep unwanted people from invading.”

“But if you aren’t allowed to leave the grounds during the festival, how do the shelters get made?”

“That is a good question, Rey…”

She beamed at the praise. Enjoying listening him go into lecture mode, the talk of the Hargan making his face years younger and just happy.

He wildly gestures with the hand not holding hers, motioning to the sizes and shapes of the shelters and its surroundings.

She couldn’t wait to meet the people who produced him, they must be great.

“..the shelters are actually made by those, like me, who are chosen to leave the grounds for their various reasons. We make the shelters before our first trip into the outside world so that those of us who are able to return each year have a place to stay nearby until the start of the festival.”

He paused here looking contemplative, his thumb stopping motion on the back of her hand.

“We like being close to our home, even if we have to wait outside until it’s time to go back.”

Ben looked up now giving her a tight thin-lipped smile.

She much preferred the other smile, the one he gave at the thought of seeing his family.

Rey squeezed his hand and smiled in a way she hoped was comfortingly at him.

“Has it been hard? Having to leave home after coming back each year?”

\---

**Ben-POV**

Rey’s question threw Ben from his train of thought about how soft and sweet her mouth is and how he wants it wrapped around his cock at thirty thousand feet.

He swallowed reflexively at the thought, but also because he had to bite back a sarcastic comment to her question.

Ben had to remind himself that of course she wouldn’t understand how hard his situation was.

As far as she was concerned, he left home willingly each year, to return to a city and people who didn’t, couldn’t really know or understand him and had to settle for memories to keep him company in the dark nights drenched in shadows and loneliness.

She helped with the loneliness, but not every chosen is as lucky as him to find their mate and acceptable sacrifices especially so quickly after being sent outside.

He had heard and read the stories about their past chosen who were not so fortunate.

Growing old and alone trying to find what they were sent for in a cold metal world, unable to return for longer than the length of the festival.

Happiness at their fingertips but forced to leave far too soon.

Not him though.

Still a young man, he had managed what to accomplish something only few of the chosen were able to.

He couldn’t say that to Rey though, so he went with a method that has served him well these last few years when talking about something he couldn’t or didn’t want to explain to her.

Simplicity.

“Yes, it has been very hard.”

The moments he had been able to show her the honesty and pain in his heart were few and far between, mostly when she had been asleep, either naturally or by his hand, but in this moment, he made sure she heard all of what he was unable to vocalize.

\------

**Rey-POV**

The raw pain in his voice as he talked about his home and how he felt made unbidden tears come to her eyes.

She refused to cry, because this wasn’t about her, she wanted to comfort him.

Surprising herself she reached forward with her other hand not held by his, and pushed the hair that had fallen in his face when he had bowed his head behind his ear and away from his eyes.

Her fingertips inadvertently skimmed the edge of his large ear and she could feel how soft his skin was.

“I am so glad you’re going to get to see your family again. I can’t wait to see them for myself.”

She pulled her hand back to herself embarrassed for being so forward. Curling her hand to keep the feeling of his skin with her for just a touch longer.

This was the right thing to say, and do, because he blushed prettily causing her heart to stutter at the unexpected reaction to her.

He continued to tell her for hours about his family, the commune, festivals, gods. All the information he had never shared with anyone before was laid out before her like a smorgasbord.

Watching his animatedly gesture and move his arms and hands to describe another foreign thing that his people made or did, she could see how much he truly loved home.

\----

They talked like that for a few hours before both hers and Ben’s eyes started drooping.

Listening to Ben talk had allowed Rey to forget and push back all of her turmoil for a while.

They were only half way into their flight.

Rey glanced at Ben to see him breathing deeply, having slipped into sleep without her even noticing. She didn’t think that she had even seen him look so peaceful asleep and hoped that it was because he did it while talking about family.

But now she was faced with another issue, she needed to pee.

Looking around the plane trying to see where the bathroom was, she observed an amusing site.

Hux was snoring, not loudly enough for her to hear a few rows up but apparently loudly enough for the woman sitting next to him to, and she did not look happy.

Her face was scrunched up halfway under her blanket but her visible eyes glared daggers at the auburn-haired man.

She was a younger lady but maybe only a few years younger than Rey, with black hair and pale skin, it was hard to tell in the grey darkness of the cabin.

Rey felt bad and decided to help out, mostly out of her sympathy of anyone having to deal with Hux, awake or not, but also because she was thankful that she was next to a partner who whimpered at best in sleep and snorted occasionally at worst.

You’d think Ben would be the worst given that nose of his but he had explained when she had teased him about his lack of noise once, that his nasal passages were wide and growing up in such an elevated altitude helped with lack of snoring.

She didn’t know how true any of that was but it was as good an explanation as any she guessed.

All she knew was that she needed to help this person, and get the liquid out of her bladder asap.

Reaching into her carry on under the seat in front of her she pulled out her trusty noise cancelling headphones.

Getting passed the large sleeping obstacle in her path was going to be a challenge, but one her swelling bladder demanded she overcome.

Tilting her head, she figured it was safest to lift one leg setting it in the middle of his spread thighs and crab walk across him.

It was only after she was stuck with a leg on either side of his thigh that she knew there was never going to be a good way to do this without just waking him up.

Damn her considerate nature which demanded she let him sleep instead of just waking him up to get by.

Now she was stuck holding the back of the chair on either side of his sleeping head for balance as she all but straddled his thick muscular thigh.

Rey knew this didn’t look good, that if anyone were paying attention it would look weird and the longer she stood here made it worse.

She just didn’t know how to fix it.

Story of her life, right?

Taking a breath, deciding to bite the bullet and swallowing her pride she took the hand not holding the headphones off the back of the chair and tapped the top of Ben’s slumped head lightly.

*Tap tap tap*

He must be really out because he didn’t even shift. Trying to ignore the urge to thread her hand through his hair Rey tapped him again harder after feeling her bladder twinge.

*TAP TAP*

\---

**Ben-POV**

Ben stirred and blearily opened his eyes irritated to look up at the bird that had been pecking his head.

Instead he saw Rey hovering above him like an angel.

Her lips were pursed and her eyes were dark. The halo of light behind her head obscuring the rest of her face from view.

He finally understood, he was dreaming.

She would always appear like this to him, hovering and embracing him as if she never wanted him to leave.

He would never leave her.

He raised his arms and circled her form pulling her down to his reclining body tightly.

He heard her gasp as she fell into his lap.

His dreams of her were always the best, but this one was especially nice. Her form was heavy and warm upon him and her muscular thigh fit between his legs like a puzzle piece.

Thrusting his hips against her leg to relive the hard swelling there and pulling her down upon his hoping that he could give her the same pleasure that was shooting through him at the contact between them.

In his dreams Rey would envelop him in her arms with acceptance and love.

What he had always craved from her while she was aware.

He attained it here in his dreams.

The warm softness of her body was paradise.

Nuzzling his head into her breast the way he wanted their children to and feeling her chin on top of his head was a novelty he only knew in these moments.

Not since he was a teen in the embrace of his mother had he felt the touch of another on the top of his head this way.

It made him feel small and taken care of, adored and loved.

In his dreams, Rey took care of him as much as he took care of her.

She would hold him in the solace of her body and allow him to shed the cloak of man.

Their bodies absorbing and reflecting light and dark equally.

No blood or flesh to restrain them from seeing or feeling the other.

He could feel his cock straining painfully and thrust harder, on the verge of orgasm just from the weight of her on his lap.

She was moving back and forth now, on her own, and it was everything he had ever wanted to feel.

He wanted this dream to last forever.

\---

**Rey-POV**

All in all, the entire exchange took maybe two minutes from the moment she had first tapped his head, but it felt like an eternity being trapped against the large man holding her.

She could barely breathe with him holding her like a teddy bear, not to mention the nuzzling against her hardened nipples was making her forget how her lungs functioned.

When she did manage to take a gasping breath, it was filled with the scent of his hair where her face was buried.

She thinks she would die happily buried there, he smelled like freshly cut grass and a spring breeze.

Rey could feel his cock pulsing still releasing into his sweat pants making quite the mess she was sure. Especially since she could feel the wetness seeping into her leggings.

She huffed, both glad that he had loosened his arms after his orgasm and frustrated because she had been so close as well but also embarrassed at how she had wanted to cum against the sleeping man.

Extricating herself from his once more deeply sleeping form now easier to navigate thanks to his boneless relief she made her way silently down the aisle to the still snoring Hux and angry looking young woman.

Rey stopped in front of them and extended her hand with the headphones silently.

The young woman looked up at her with a glare until she saw what Rey was holding.

She gestured with the headphones once more, impatient and practically dancing in place with the need to get to the restroom before she embarrassed herself further by peeing on herself.

The woman reached forward tentatively and grasped the headphones with a graceful nod to Rey and a raspy “Thank you”.

Rey rushed off and was finally able to pee in peace.

\---

Rey sighed in relief and finished washing her hands in the tiny bathroom.

Thinking back to her ordeal to reach here, she couldn’t help but reflect on Ben and his behavior.

Her behavior too.

She had always acknowledged that Ben was an attractive man, but she hadn’t ever felt lust for him the way she just had.

It was almost impossible to control herself or her hips from grinding onto the hard length of his thigh.

Usually she was frighteningly in control during intercourse, so the act of losing herself so much was a little scary, but also so exhilarating.

It was definitely eye opening for more than one reason.

She furrowed her eyebrows as she pondered his scent and the feel of him.

She didn’t know how but the scent was so familiar, as was the feeling of his arms and the thrusting against her.

She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it made her think of the dream she had had right after finding out about Finn and Poe.

Rey had figured after seeing that and the effect it had had on her, that she would have dreamed about that situation.

But no.

She had dreamed she was having sex with Ben, of all people, and now this.

Maybe she had had a premonition or something.

She wasn’t superstitious the way Poe was but she definitely didn’t deny the possibilities of the supernatural out there.

She had watched and read stories of people who had gone through ordeals and trauma being able to see and do things that couldn’t be explained.

Rey believed she might fall into that category after the last year of her life.

Did she have a premonition about this moment with Ben or did the dream make her more susceptible to this situation with him?

It was definitely a question with no discernible answer at thirty thousand feet.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to sleep on it.

She still had so much time on this plane she didn’t want to keep stressing and just wanted to enjoy her time in a foreign beautiful country with her friend, possibly more.

They would have to see.

\---

 **AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: *I don’t consent to nor condone the accessing of my work outside the AO3 offical site nor the monetization of it.***

**So I think I figured out why this story has been harder for me than other stories. It’s because I have been working on an in story time table. Everything in here has to happen in a certain amount of time as such I can’t have time skips the way I normally would.**

**Realizing why this has been harder has helped with working through it thankfully.**

**This chapter is a smidge shorter because it is more of a transitional chapter, but I still really hope you all like it and let me know how you feel and what you would like to see.**

**I read all of your comments and take them to heart, and I have tried to incorporate some of what you all have suggested into this.**

**Enjoy!**

The flight finished without too much trouble.

Well, not too much more trouble anyway.

Ben slept soundly as she maneuvered back over him, and she found a perverse amusement that he was going to wake up with a curiously crusty crotch.

Her dark joy was amplified when she watched him waddle with a blush staining his cheeks down the aisle of the plane and followed his duck walk to the rotating baggage claim.

Ben’s bag was held in front of his crotch covering the barely there stain, thanks to the dark color of his jogging pants.

Fortunately for him everyone was too exhausted to really care about his foot to foot shifting.

They were all still a little out of sorts, hair askew and bleary eyes barely focusing on each other.

Ben had sat her on a free chair around the carousel after she had grabbed her duffle backpack, the rest leaning against the nearest available surface.

In a shocking bout of generosity Hux had offered to hunt down a coffee kiosk for them all, especially Ben since he would be the main transporter for them for the next day.

Rey had managed to pull a chuckle out of Ben and Finn when she joked that they should keep Hux sleep deprived all the time if he stayed like this.

Poe was still apparently stewing over their interaction at the airport, that was her theory anyway.

She wondered if he was worried about Ben saying anything about him and Finn, but pushed that away.

Ben didn’t know Poe’s father and even if he did, she knew Ben wasn’t the type of person to maliciously reveal something that was clearly so sensitive.

So it wasn’t that, maybe he had seen her interaction with sleeping Ben on the plane.

Her face heated up at the remembrance. Feeling his cock against her thigh and his large warm hands gripping her so tightly and securely.

She knew she would have bruises from his strangle hold, shifting in her seat as her groin warmed at the thought.

Unfortunately, the movement drew Poe and Ben’s attention.

Her face flamed at their curious eyes on her.

The glare Poe shot to Ben told her that he had definitely seen something, and obviously thought Ben had made a move on her and she had reciprocated despite his ‘warning’.

Reminded of Poe and his cryptic decree that she stay away from Ben, despite his fucking around, whether it had only been one night or the last four years, made her want to climb the taller man like a tree right in front of Poe.

She was not going to be controlled by Poe any longer or let him dictate her life especially when they weren’t involved romantically and could barely be called friends at this point.

She also didn’t want to jeopardize her friendship with Ben because she wanted to get back at her ex, so she stifled the impulse.

But remembering Ben’s response to her made her wonder if she would be jeopardizing anything, judging by his response to her he might just want her as much as she had just realized she did him.

Now that she was single, maybe he was feeling freer to express himself with her that way.

Despite her being single for technically two days, they all knew that she might as well have been single since the beginning with the way Poe had dealt with their ‘relationship’.

The only ones out of their group who hadn’t known she was single had been her and Ben.

Apparently.

\---

Hux’s good will had apparently only extended to the act of obtaining the coffee and not the type.

She shivered both in pleasure and disgust at the taste of the bitter black coffee slithering through her veins and into her sluggish brain.

Observing the guys doing the same, tremors from them all as they sipped the hot beverages.

Taking advantage of the lull in activity Rey got their attention by standing and she said, “Hey, I promised Rose I would call her when we landed. I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, that’s for the best.” Ben said, “We won’t have service past this point basically, so any contact with the outside world would need to happen and end here. There are no cell towers or internet where we are going.”

The guys had apparently heard all of this before and didn’t appear overly alarmed.

Hux even joked with the classic, “Abandon hope all ye, who enter here.”

All of them chuckled uneasily.

This allowed her to ignore the ominous undertones of Ben’s speech.

_Because when had ignoring an ominous quote ever ended badly for anyone._

\----

“Rey, I have to assume you landed okay if you’re calling.”

“Yes, Rose. No troubles what so ever.”

“That’s a fucking lie. I can hear it in your voice. Something happened.”

Of course, leave it to Rose to call her out and sense the turmoil in her voice over the events with Poe, and subsequently Ben.

Thankfully Rose was quiet as Rey recounted the harrowing but condensed version of events of the last two days, except for the occasional interjected expletive or curse on Poe and Finn’s genitals.

“..and now you have to spend two weeks looking at their shit faces. Damn. I am so sorry Rey. I wish I were there and could annihilate them for you.”

Rey knew Rose was serious. That she would have probably beat them both up for her and it made her smile knowing that she still had Rose, and Ben of course, on her side.

“Rey, there is something I need to tell you.”

Rose’s tone didn’t sound good.

“You know how I am a worry wort who was concerned about you getting eaten by a bear? Well, I was researching possible bear encounters in that part of Sweden, around Halsingland, and well I found some other stuff.”

“What other stuff?” Rey was worried now. Rose was indeed a worry wort but she would never bring this up if it didn’t truly bother her.

“Like reports of missing people, strange phenomenon in that area, and the fact that no one has been able to find this commune, like, at all.”

Rey listened intently which prompted Rose on.

“People have gone there, and never been heard from again. Left all the information about their trip with a foreign friend or acquaintance behind with family or friends. When they weren’t heard from or been able to be reached in a time frame, they have sent people to find them. It’s harder because they went missing in a foreign country, but people have found ways, and they have never been able to find anything aside from the occasional surveillance video from a gas station or motel within that time frame.”

“Wait, Rose, that could be anything…”

Rose cut her off, getting into her story.

“Rey, there have been no signs. No backpacks found in the woods, which have been scoured, nothing. No one leaves absolutely no trace of themselves unless someone or something is covering it up. And they have never been able to question anyone from this Hargan commune because they can’t find it. It’s a ghost town, well, not town, I guess? I don’t know, but there’s no visual sightings of it or reports of it outside of what the people who have gone missing have left behind.”

She was contemplating what Rose said.

How could no one, not even the cops or detectives find this place but she was getting ready to step foot there in a days’ time.

Were they absolutely so reclusive that they could move or shield themselves that fast?

And what of the missing people.

“Rose, how many have gone missing?”

Rose sighed.

“According to the site I found, like, fifty over the last thirty years. That’s not accounting for the ones that weren’t reported or actually searched for.”

“And they were all supposedly coming to this May festival with these specific people?”

“Yes.”

Rose’s words and information did worry Rey, but she refused to believe that she was essentially saying that Ben was from some serial killer commune or something. That stuff just didn’t happen. Those numbers were concerning though, even if a fraction were accurate, then that’s weird.

Sitting on the bathroom bench Rey sighed.

There wasn’t much she could do now, she was already here, and she didn’t want Ben to think she was insulting his family or people with this information.

He was all she had left outside of Rose.

Rose was silent as Rey blurted this out.

“I’m not saying you leave right now, you’re right in that some of this could be bogus, but I need you to be safe. Turn on gps, and charge up your portable battery before you head out from the airport.”

“Ben said there wouldn’t be any internet or phone service out there. All electronics are basically useless.”

“Oh, that’s weird.”

“Why?”

“Rey, yeah maybe it is in the middle of nowhere, but according to the maps, that area should be accessible to some sort of internet. Even shit internet.”

Rey was silent as she thought.

_It’s weird that they had no access whatsoever._

As if Rose could read her mind she continued.

“Yeah. Just try to keep your phone on, and stay in contact. Even if the messages don’t go through right away, at least your phone can be used to track you should something happen.”

Rey couldn’t wrap her head around what Rose was saying.

Ben wouldn’t take them to somewhere that could hurt them, right?

The Rey had a thought.

“Wait, Ben has gone there and comeback, like two times now, so it can’t be that bad.”

Rose paused and sighed in thought.

“Well, that’s true I guess.”

“They are a reclusive society, like the Amish or something, maybe they want the lack of technology more than they can’t access it.”

She could hear the grudging acceptance of what she was saying in Rose’s grumbled agreement.

While worried she truly didn’t think that there was an issue with the commune themselves. Maybe those woods are super perilous and easy to get lost in.

She said as much to Rose, who had gone silent at Rey’s reasoning.

“I mean maybe, but all those people, just lost in the woods?”

It did seem farfetched, but the whole story was farfetched.

Rey glanced at her phone seeing she had been on the phone and technically in the bathroom for fifteen minutes.

“Rose, I have to go, I promise to keep my phone on the second we enter the woods and turn gps on. I will have to turn it off until then though, so I won’t be able to be reached. Please don’t call the national guard if you don’t hear from me in an hour.”

Rey was only half joking, and Rose made her promise to be observant and careful.

Rey couldn’t help the feeling of dread that crept up her spine as she pressed the END button.

\---

**Ben POV**

The silence after Rey went to the bathroom was deafening, but Poe was sending me screaming death glares every time he thought he could get away with it behind my back.

It was better than him talking shit to Rey about me behind it every chance he could.

Poe wasn’t half a slick at hiding his disdain for me and my attraction to Rey as he thought he was.

Now that Rey was free though, he was doing the bare minimum to hide his feelings.

Which was just fine with me.

I would sooner hold Poe’s head under a running stream until he stopped breathing then to act nice to him at this point, but we both had reasons to still be civil to the other.

The funny thing is that he still needed to act decent to me to get me to take him to study the Hargan.

Or so he thought.

He could punch me in the mouth, kick me in the balls and I would still happily take him.

Poe didn’t need to know that though.

Finn had quietly inhabited Rey’s seat and Hux, Poe and I were all standing individually looking for our baggage.

I was thinking deeply about how to impart the information I needed to, and to make them realize the importance of them following my directions without it seeming weird or making any of them balk, when Hux said.

“I thought this was supposed to be an educational trip,” drawing our attention, “but you two have seemed intent on making this into some sort of pissing contest.”

It was Poe who spoke first, “What are you talking about Hux?”

Hux shot disdainful eyes to the dark man, “Your willful ignorance never fails to astound me, Poe. I’m talking about your idiocy surrounding Rey.”

Ben knew they were all confused by the way they met each other’s eyes.

Hux rolled his.

“You have been so far up Finn’s ass that you ignore the girl unless she freaks on you, but you refuse to let her go, for god knows what reason.”

Ben saw Poe gearing up to deny and Finn just looked mortified.

“Oh please, you two weren’t ever half as discreet as you thought you were. In love as you are, how could you notice anyone else around you. I don’t know why you ever brought that poor girl into your sordid little,” he gave a wave of his hand to encompass them both, “whatever you two have going on.”

“What are you even talking about Hux, I’m not gay! We are just friends! What are you even..”

Poe’s nervous rambling was cut off by Finn pushed Poe behind him, seeming to snap out of whatever stupor he had been in stood up and sneered at Hux, “Like you’re one to talk, like you even like Rey, what do you care what we do? You’ve barely said two words to her since you’ve known her. You’re only here because of your thesis, you don’t even like Ben.”

Ben could only smirk when Hux responded, “Oh, the little mouse decides to have a thought, did you pull your head out of Poe’s arse long enough to hear anything other than the sound of his bullshit?”

Poe and Finn both clearly blushed through their darker complexions.

But Finn wasn’t finished despite his embarrassment and stepped closer to Hux in what Ben was sure he hoped was a threatening stance, “Apparently all we had to do to get the ice queen Hux to care about people is deprive him of sleep and pump him full of shit coffee. You haven’t talked this much in a whole year.”

Hux’s face was now the one blushing clashing wonderfully with his ginger hair. His voice stayed calm and collected seeming to make Finn and Poe even more upset.

“As for Rey, no I don’t much care for her, but that doesn’t mean I want her to be driven half mad trying to deal with you two, and Ben? We know where we stand with each other, and we always have, but while I may not agree with his choice in companions, I consider him more of a friend than you two clearly do.”

Ben smirked at their astonishment of Hux’s speech, yes, while Hux and he bickered like an old married couple it didn’t mean that they didn’t get along. Leave it to these chucklefucks to make such baseless assumptions.

Ben’s eyes widened and smirk faded when Hux sarcastically continued while looking at him, “And as my ‘friend’ Ben I must say that you have been an idiot as well.”

Ben raised an eyebrow to Hux thinking.

_Someone is clearly on a roll._

He folded his arms across his chest defensively not feeling up to being criticized right now, he was too exhausted and still needed to talk to them. So, while he was more than amused at the dressing down Poe and Finn got, he was usually willing to entertain Hux’s ranting but not today, and especially not when it involved Rey.

Hux must’ve been especially tired and worked up because he seemed to blatantly ignore the dark vibes Ben was sending his way at the topic change.

“You have been panting after Rey forever, and never made a move. Out of some misplaced loyalty to her “relationship”, Hux even did the finger quotes at the word voice slowly starting to raise and face redden unbecomingly. ‘I don’t know and I don’t care, but I am tired of this idiocy and I just want to complete my study in peace. I didn’t come here for this drama…”

“What are you guys talking about?”

Rey’s voice cut in like a knife, bringing all attention to her small form looking at them all confusedly.

Ben then noticed that they had also attracted the attention of some of the locals milling about the airport and they had all ignored their bags slowly rotating still.

Rey walked hesitatingly over and grabbed her bag on its way around but Ben reached over and grabbed it from her along with his on its turn.

Slowly Finn, Poe and Hux all did the same.

Apparently with the appearance of Rey they had all lost their steam.

They all robotically made their way to the car rental station and picked up the keys, Ben giving the relevant information and snagging the keys with a quiet thank you.

He couldn’t believe this had managed to blow up into such a clusterfuck. He had been certain he could control the situation, but they had already drawn more attention than was acceptable.

His mother was going to be so pissed at him, not to mention the other council members.

It was one of the highest priorities of the Hargan to maintain a low profile and bring willing outsiders without too much fuss or drama.

He had managed to pick the most dramatic group of people somehow.

But as he put his hand on Rey’s lower back to escort her to the car, she shot him a sleepy grateful smile and he knew it would all be worth it.

However, he didn’t miss the uncomfortable twitch at the corner of her lips.

It was her tell, that she was thinking hard, that she was overthinking about something.

He would need to keep an eye on her.

**AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: To any and all who read my work and enjoy I thank you for taking your time to read, especially if you decide to kudos or comment a million more thank yous.**

**However, and I totally understand that everyone’s preferences are different and varied, and all the more power to those people, but if you read and don’t like, I do apologize if you feel you have wasted your time reading my work.**

**I really don’t expect everyone to like what I write, but please try to be respectful while also letting me know how you feel and what if anything you feel like I might be able to do to improve my writing. I welcome all constructive criticism.**

**This is a little late because I have been having trouble writing this week, but I hope to have an easier time in the week coming.**

**I hope you all enjoy and comment what you think! Thanks and love you all!**

There were many reasons Rey was glad that they had managed to land closer and the car drive was going to be days shorter than it could have been.

The awkward air in the car was one of the prominent reasons.

She glanced to her right taking in the large, looming broody man focused on the road next to her wondering if she really knew him at all.

His hair blew in the wind thanks to the rolled down window. Fluttering wildly but it didn’t appear to bother him at all. In fact, he managed to look younger every time she looked at him, almost like the closer they got to his home the more years he lost.

She could feel the blush flash across her face when he smirked at catching her staring.

His smile and eyes were lighter, like he was shedding a coat of despair to reveal a giddiness she hadn’t known he was capable of.

Rey had just started to come to terms with her attraction to him and here he was revealing he didn’t even have the name she thought he did.

According to him his real name wasn’t Ben, but Kylo. According to _Kylo_ , the Hargan weren’t permitted to use their name given to them by their Gods outside of the commune so they adopt an outsider name when they venture into the “outside” world.

If it wasn’t for all the bad blood still between her, Poe and Finn it would be amusing that they all had the same shocked and incredulous reactions at Kylo’s reveal.

Of course, Hux immediately whipped out his notebook and started asking Kylo questions and making notes about this new development.

Rey could see Poe out of the corner of her eye every time she glanced at Kylo. His eyes were downcast.

She observed Finn place his hand on Poe’s knee surreptitiously rubbing.

Her heart stuttered when Poe looked up right into Finn’s eyes, his hand reaching up to cover Finn’s.

It looked like the most natural move between the two, and the warmth that entered both men’s eyes made her breath catch.

She turned forward as quickly as she could without letting them know she had seen.

She swallowed thickly, knowing that through all of their time together that Poe had never looked at her with as much affection and care as that one exchange just now.

It made her wonder how miserable he must have been without Finn, how sad and desperate they must have both been to put themselves in this bullshit ‘triangle’ just to save face and hide.

She knows that if she had been in the same situation it would have driven her mad, seeing someone she wanted and needed everyday and knowing you couldn’t show your love for fear of being hurt by people who were supposed to love and care for you.

Rey hated that she was sympathizing with a man, men, who had manipulated and fucked with her feelings for years.

Maybe it was the new setting, or the beauty surrounding her that made her view the situation with a bit more sympathy and understanding.

She glanced at Kylo’s profile, his strong nose and chin jutted from his face proudly. Dark hair ruffling in the wind and haloing the light around his head.

Turning away before he caught her again.

Or maybe it was because she had something to take her mind off of the pain and allow her to think of the future instead of the past.

Her eyes took in the majestic scenery around her.

She needed to be alone and process everything that had happened.

Knowing what she had learned from her therapist that she was just this side of a breakdown.

Elevated breathing, scattered thoughts, hands trembling.

Taking a deep breath, she continued to take in her surroundings to take her mind off of her body.

Enjoying the distraction of the outside stimulus she noted that the sun was shining brightly, almost too brightly. It felt like the light was getting brighter by the mile, which made no sense since time was only getting later the longer they drove.

It should be getting darker, instead it was getting lighter.

Averting her eyes lest she get a headache, she saw the trees, because how could she not, they were everywhere.

Trees as far as the eyes could see, and she could totally see how people could just get lost here, never being found.

She rolled the window down and the scent of fresh air was overwhelming, her hair whipped around her face with the combined breeze from her and Kylo’s windows being down, unbound for once.

Rey closed her eyes and leaned her head back allowing herself to take in the drone of Hux’s excited questions and Kylo’s perfunctory answers.

Even the tone of his voice seemed to change as the miles passed.

It was confident, sure, and gave her chills.

Whether they were chills of pleasure or fear she couldn’t tell.

Her closed eyes allowed the tone, timber and ebb of it to wash over her with more potency due to the lack of outside stimulation.

His voice until now had been nice, but kind of plain and unassuming. It was deep and pleasant, but not this vibrant and encompassing by any stretch of the imagination.

It was almost magical, if Rey had believed in that sort of thing.

Speaking of magical, she couldn’t believe that despite the stress, the flight, how warm the air was, and the comforting rocking of the car she didn’t feel the least bit tired anymore.

In fact, she felt invigorated. Blood singing through her veins with every inhale of the sweet-smelling air.

Everything felt light and like nothing could hurt her.

She didn’t like it.

Rey wasn’t a big partaker in drugs, the occasional mushroom trip or joint here or there was the extent of her involvement, but this felt similar but many times more potent.

What was in the air here?

Trying to shake off the effects by physically shaking her head didn’t help, in fact it just made the world more shimmery, in effect making her nauseous.

She had the errant thought that the air was trying to punish her for escaping its ‘gift’.

Instead she just managed to draw the attention of B…Kylo.

She couldn’t tell if it was the effect of the air, but he was looking at her like he knew what she was feeling.

“What is that?” she asked.

He looked back at the road a small smile on his plush lips.

“It’s home.”

Not being able to hold back the rude scoff at his cheesy answer made him chuckle, which made her giggle.

Yeah, she felt high.

Glancing around outside again she could have sworn that at least an hour had passed and the sun had not moved an inch to descend from the sky.

It was starting to freak her out.

“Midnight sun.”

Hux’s voice from the back seat made her jump.

“What?” She said twisting to see him directly behind her chair.

She could see Finn and Poe also paying attention.

She was sure they were as clueless and she was about this seeming freaky occurrence.

“It is when the sun never sets in the summer. Midnight Sun is a natural phenomenon occurring in the summer months and means that the sun can be seen even in the middle of the night.”

He said this like it was the most natural thing in the world, and maybe it was to him and Kylo, but it was freaking her out.

“So, it’s gonna be sunny for the entire time we are here?” Poe hesitated.

“More than likely.”

“But that’s over nine days! How are we going to sleep?”

Hux answered after sighing. “That’s why we have the sleep huts, and if you brought any sleep aids, such as masks, you might want to utilize them. If you consulted my list that I emailed you all about recommended things to bring then you should have one.”

Rey didn’t know what was in her bag because Kylo had packed it, but she assumed he would know to pack a sleep mask for her.

Hux was still making notes in his book, which she noted looked a lot like Kylo’s orange book but bigger, but even he noticed when they pulled off to the side of the road and the ignition was shut off.

Without a word Kylo got out of the car and made his way to the trunk.

With shared glances they all filtered out of the car and Rey was able to notice that theirs wasn’t the only car parked along the isolated stretch.

There were at least three other cars that she could see.

Each was a different model and color.

Rey’s attention was drawn back to the group.

Apparently Kylo had explained that they always left their rented cars in this area. That they would be collected by someone else to be returned to the dealership.

But how were they supposed to make it back to the airport if they didn’t have a car?

He hadn’t elaborated on that part, and she didn’t have the presence of mind to ask.

If the way everyone else, even Kylo was looking around, none of them had the presence of mind to ask.

Everyone seemed to be taking in the beauty of the nature around them.

And beautiful it was.

Dappled light filtered through the biggest trees she had ever seen outside of nature documentaries.

She could see animals like rabbits, foxes, and even what looked like a group of reindeer glancing at them from between the trees just walking along their path.

Seeming more curious than afraid of the interlopers in their area.

How wild and beautiful was it out here that nature hadn’t even learned to be afraid of humanity.

Kylo confidently and quickly walked ahead, almost a small jog it felt like to her smaller stride, not a glance given off the path, while they stood in awe of their surroundings.

Rey knew they looked like idiots, slowly making their way through this forest, mouths agape at the beauty and wilderness that surrounded them.

Even Hux was looking up and standing shoulder to shoulder with her and the other two.

When a small family of rabbits hopped to the edge of the forest to the path, they stopped what little shuffle forward the group had been attempting.

All of them just watched the rabbits wiggle their noses at them, almost inviting them to pet them and play.

Big wet black eyes watched them, an intelligence radiating that made Rey take a step back instinctively.

She could hear a buzzing at the back of her brain, a dull static roar that was rising and ebbing like a white noise machine in her skull.

Squeezing her eyes shut to block out the light and beauty made her realize judging by the dryness of her eyes that she had apparently forgotten to blink for too long.

Her eyes hurt and tears dripped down her face as her body attempted to catch up to its previous moisture level.

The others were still watching the rabbits, and now she could see there was a lack of awareness behind the awe.

Almost like a trance.

Eyes wide and dry, indicating that they hadn’t blinked in a while as well, it was creepy looking at them and seeing them not blink.

Pupils blown wide, jaws loose.

“Hey!”

The deep voice barked and echoed around them like a gunshot.

The rabbits scampered off in the first instance she had seen of something seeming afraid here.

She watched the three blink slowly.

Kylo stomped back looking like a specter of death in the light of the sun stalking toward them with a fire, or was that fear, behind his eyes?

He took each on of them by the shoulder shaking tightly, and pushed them forward ahead of him.

When he got to her he made sure to look into her eyes and she wondered distantly at his sigh of relief.

His giant hands clenched almost painfully and his thumbs rubbed her jawline tenderly where his hands had run up the sides of her neck to cradle her face.

He took her hand and they brought up the rear with the others ahead now talking slowly among themselves about how they were feeling and what had happened.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. I am not used to walking this path with others and forgot how it can affect others. Especially outsiders.”

“What was that? I felt like I was drowning, like I couldn’t think.”

Her and Kylo talked, but she could feel the other paying attention also wondering what had happened to them.

He sighed, “The forest here is a sacred and frankly magical place,” he continued despite the snort from Poe, “it has been untouched by human hands for centuries and as such has managed to retain a lot of the fierceness and wild nature that most domesticated areas have lost to time and progress. My people have protected and worshipped the forest since we began, and it has provided us with protection and nourishment as well.”

They all listened.

Kylo continued to tell them about the forest and its inhabitants and history.

Rey’s mind slowly cleared little by little the further in they went, and by the time they made it to a giant clearing with these beautiful wooden huts erected her brain was hers again outside of the slight buzzing that continued to drone in the back of her skull.

She knew that Hux was gonna kick himself for not being in his right mind enough to take notes right now.

Kylo directed each of them to their huts, Poe and Finn to one she noted absently.

Surprised to find that she wasn’t as disturbed with the development as she probably should be, wondering if whatever effect the forest had had on her had gone away as much as she thought it had or if she was just genuinely moving on from what had happened.

She felt like that shouldn’t be possible in the short amount of time that had passed since it all happened, but what did she know, maybe it was normal for some people.

The truth was that she was happy to not feel that negativity or numbness inside anymore.

Not feeling that bitterness toward Poe, Finn, her parents, even Traci was wonderful, allowing her to drop her baggage and feel light for the first time ever.

At the same time, it unnerved her and made her wonder if the forest was manipulating her somehow.

Shaking her head at the ridiculous thought of a group of inanimate trees effecting her emotions was ridiculous.

Kylo led her to her hut after dropping Hux off at the hut she assumed they would be sharing with her getting the one in the middle.

Theirs was a small cluster with other clusters of three spread along the clearing seemingly spaced deliberately.

Kylo met her eyes as she walked through the doorway, and as soon as she crossed the threshold it was like she had just stepped into a cold shower. It cleared her mind and made her realize how much whatever had happened in the forest was still affecting her.

Her mind was clear in here and it made her afraid. How was all this possible? Did any of it have to do with what Rose had said? About people going missing in these woods? Were the others experiencing the same level of clarity that suddenly hit her? If she walked back through the doorway would she be back under whatever spell the forest was casting on them?

She looked around the hut in wonder and confusion.

There were two long beds, long enough to hold Kylo comfortably but not very wide.

Clearly meant for one person or two people very comfortable with each other.

The rest of the room was sparse with the beds with a small chest at the end of each bed and a night stand with a single whole candle meant for light in the windowless hut.

It was very clear that this place was meant to not get comfortable in.

All along the corners on the rafters there were runes carved intricately.

Especially around the doorway there was a slew of runes crunched together.

Kylo remained in the doorway staring at her thoughtfully.

“Are these runes used as wards?”

He raised an eyebrow, smirking, impressed with her question.

“Of sorts. What do you know of wards?”

“I know that they can keep things away that you don’t want near.”

He nodded rubbing his smooth face contemplating, but never removed his watchful stare.

“That is basically what they are for. They allow you a respite from the spell of the forest.”

Here he finally took a heavy step into the hut.

His sturdy hiking boots thumping on the wooden floor as he stepped in just far enough to slowly close the door behind him.

It clicked ominously and she gulped.

Rey couldn’t tell if she was afraid or anticipating whatever was about to happen.

She couldn’t tell much about anything anymore, let alone her own feelings.

He continued, slowly coming closer, “Though you have been resisting its call quite well despite never being here before. Have you been using the cream?”

Rey backed up against the wall knowing that she was putting herself in a position to be boxed in by him.

Her heart picked up its rhythm when he got close enough for her to smell.

He smelled like the forest.

Not as potent or as intoxicating, but it was there.

He hadn’t smelled this strongly before, but she could tell now why the forest probably didn’t affect her as strongly was because she had always tried to pick up his scent when she was near him.

She was used to it, and she inferred because of his intrigued statement about her seeming resistance to the smell that those who were regularly exposed exhibited less symptoms of it.

He had managed to close in while she had been in thought about his scent.

Now with palms pressed against the walls on either side of her he was looking down at her like she was a rabbit currently being hunted.

She was surprised to find she didn't mind it at all if it was him doing the hunting.

 **AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I am so sorry this is late. I don’t want to make excuses, but I feel I owe you all an explanation. I have been having a hard time. I am coming up on my father’s birthday in the next week and it will mark the first birthday of his after his passing.**

**It has affected my writing and process. I apologize for the late chapter. I promised that you all would have one chapter a week, and I still hope to make that happen, barring an emergency.**

**I hope you all can stick with me and my story.**

**I just want to say thank you all for the positivity from my last chapter. I really needed it and appreciate it. I hope to keep the good will going and see all the comments for this one as well as future chapters because…….**

**Up till now I have stuck pretty closely to Midsommar lore as shown in the movie, but this is where I go way off the rails into my own territory and ideas about the Hargan as they appear in my story.**

**This chapter will basically be exposition and smut. lol**

**I hope you all like it!**

Kylo could never have imagined kissing her would be so exhilarating.

Ben had been kissed before, by more than a few drunk or promiscuous college girls at the parties or clubs that Poe had drug him to over the years, and they had all been unpalatable.

All the times Ben had played with Rey he had kissed her a few times, but where she had never been able to participate, he hadn’t really counted it as a ‘kiss’.

Kylo almost felt a little bad that Ben would never get to experience Rey’s true kiss, because it was truly special.

Almost.

The possessive part of Kylo that wanted and needed Rey was glad she would never share her with anyone, even himself.

Ben had been the one to suffer Rey with Poe, not Kylo.

Kylo would have made sure that Poe wouldn’t have survived the trip through the forest if he had had to.

Lips as soft as petals pushed against his and despite her mouth being smaller and seemingly weaker than his larger one, she was dominating the kiss like she had been the one to push him against a wall and corner him in, instead of the other way around.

And she took his breath away.

He flexed his hands against the hips he was pushing against the wall.

Kylo could feel them pushing forward trying to make contact with his body.

It made his cock throb at how out of control he could make her, because that’s how he felt about her.

It was taking every last ounce of willpower to hold back from carrying her out of the hut and fucking her into the ground in full view of all the gods and people watching.

Aside from her hands in his hair and her lips he was making sure to keep her separate from himself, against his own wishes of course.

The Hargan had steps for courtship and subsequent integration into the community.

He had accomplished most of the steps already, thanks to his mother’s special ‘migraine lotion’. Without it he would have had to have found another way and reason to oil her up with the special mixture.

It had already made her resistant to the voices and illusions of his home, meant to keep intruders out and trap them to nourish the creatures housed there.

Only those accompanied by a Hargan or by someone who had been given a resistance by exposure to Hargan could actually ever make their way through the forest.

It also prevented runaways and escapes from the community compound.

Ben had already pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable for the treatment of a possible mate off of hallowed ground.

Even if Ben’s ‘sleep time dalliances’ with Rey did help facilitate her resistance, Kylo would probably get an earful from his mother about it after she was done doting on him and welcoming him and his mate home, but as Rey shoved her hands through his hair scratching his scalp deliciously, and massaging his tongue with hers, he found any verbal lashings would be worth this moment.

He couldn’t fault Ben too much though as Rey rolled her hips toward him sensually, because poor Ben would never get to know this, and he would.

Mixing of fluids in such an intimate way were a crucial way to seal the mate to the Hargan and their Gods.

He almost lost his train of thought when she moved her hands from his hair to his face.

Kylo slitted his eyes open to see Rey with her eyes clenched tightly shut, almost like she was in pain, but the moan she let out was pure pleasure.

It triggered a deep moan to break from his chest like a chain reaction they set off noises in each other. All of her little whimpers and mewls caused his cock to twitch and by the squirming her hips were doing against his clenching hands spanning them she was experiencing a similar sensation.

Her hands mapped his face blindly and it made him want to bury himself in her right there.

In general, he wasn’t a touchy man, he never had been. Even among his own people, nevertheless among strange outsiders, but Rey always seemed immune to his rules.

Random grabbing of his arm, rubbing his back or his hair soothingly, she did little things that made him realize how much he might actually like touch.

The first spring he had come back for Midsummer after meeting Rey and enduring almost a year of her touches, he had awkwardly hugged his mother, wanting to see if his building tolerance of Rey’s touching could extend to someone else, he cared for.

He mirrored the other returning Hargan interacting with their own kin, and she had cried in happiness for almost an hour.

Needless to say, if he hadn’t already chosen Rey as his mate then his mother would have made the decision for him after he had told her about the catalyst for initiating physical contact.

Running his hands down her hips feeling the flesh encased in the soft material of her joggers he grasped her muscular thighs and hitched her up against the wall stepping forward to sandwich her between.

Her legs automatically made their way around him like they were meant to be there.

She was rubbing against him in ways that made his eyes cross and bite his tongue against the temptation to break.

It would be so easy to just give in and say fuck tradition, but he knew he would regret it later.

Just in case things went south, as they so often seemed to in the case of a mate being taken, he needed the safety net of the integration process.

With this reminder he pressed her further into the wall to halt her sinful grinding, but this was a double-edged sword he realized when this action just allowed his hard cock to press against her pussy even more intimately allowing her to feel just how much he wanted her.

Breaking the kiss, both breathing heavily, she opened her eyes meeting his.

He could see her eyes widen comically at the feel of how much he wanted her on top of what he had to give as the jogging pants they were both wearing left little to the imagination in such close proximity.

Then her cognac eyes shifted in the dim light and the mischief glowing from them made his entire body pulse toward her mimicking what he wanted to do to her right now.

Gods did she test his resolve.

He could see her eyes widen comically at the feel of how much he wanted her on top of what he had to give as the jogging pants they were both wearing left little to the imagination in such close proximity.

“You have no idea how much I want you, do you?”

He glittering eyes shone at him and she shook her head.

“Would you like me to tell you? Tell you about the lonely nights both here and in the Outside, I stroked my cock to this exact scene in my mind? Squeezed myself in imitation to how I know your sweet pussy will squeeze me? Covered my hand and stomach in cum the way I want to cover you? Are those the things you want to hear?”

He could feel her pussy throbbing now, her slick making its way through both of their pants. Her breath rasped harder and harder against his throat enticingly with each sentence he spoke.

She nodded, pupils blown out and eyes glazed as if he had actually done all of those things just now, and maybe in her imagination she was seeing him do them.

Kylo stroked the side of her face gently, Rey leaning into his hand like a kitten.

He thrust his hips in a slow rhythm, meant to torture and entice them both equally.

He could feel the head of his cock drag and catch every time he came into contact with her opening through their pants.

It was the most delicious tease.

Kylo felt more than vindicated at her frustrated groan, as she had been teasing him while he was trapped behind the façade of Ben for the last two years.

She deserved to feel a fraction of what he had felt.

Her scent was so strong and fragrant, like a giant daisy thrust into his face, and he knew that her integration was almost complete with the mixing of their fluids here.

It was a common occurrence with possible mates, no matter the gender, that their body started to emanate different scents more often than not attributed to their personality if the process was being implemented right.

It could become an overpowering smell when they were aroused.

There had been no room for error with Rey, Ben had thankfully fulfilled his part and made sure of that if the smell of Rey was anything to go by.

Rey would bloom and she would be magnificent when her process was complete.

He would make sure of it.

Dipping his head to her panting mouth he caught her lips firmly.

Tilting her head back, still slowly thrusting, he nibbled on her mouth like she was the ripest juiciest fruit.

He surprised even himself with the moan that came from the depths of his chest when she thrust her tongue forcefully past his lips and teeth, invading him in the most delightful way.

\------

**Rey POV**

Kissing Kylo was like nothing she would ever be able to describe.

He held her with so firmly and with so much care it made her want to cry.

His clenched hands cutting into the flesh of her thigh and hip were a balm on her aching spirit.

Rey had never been this turned on in her life.

She had never felt her pussy throb or flood the way it was now.

Her nipples were swollen and hard rasping against her bra irritatingly attached to what she had thought was a small set of breasts but they felt so heavy and full right now.

Kylo made her head swim.

She had never really given a thought to what kissing Ben would be like because there had always been something or someone in the way, but now she was overflowing with feelings, thoughts, wants, ideas.

She felt like she was going to explode if Kylo didn’t put his cock in her right now.

Her body was burning up from the inside starting in her core.

She was sure that when she stops being so out of her mind with lust, she was going to be embarrassed about the whimpers that came from her, the pleading for all of him upon her body.

She knew if she could just get him in her she would be okay.

Rey didn’t know how she knew that but, it was a knowledge that was deep in her heart, pounding through her blood.

Her frantic hands started pulling at his shirt.

She could hear the word “Please” being repeated in a wispy high-pitched voice but it wasn’t until she took a breath that she realized that it had been her saying it.

\----

**Kylo POV**

Kylo had been ready to play with her a bit before putting her to bed, sure that jet lag would catch up with her soon and needed her ready for tomorrow’s activities.

He had to take care of her.

Dealing with an angry cock and aching balls after this wouldn’t be ideal, but he would live.

His endgame was in sight so he felt like he could afford to be patient.

Apparently, Rey felt a bit differently if her attempt to destroy is clothing was anything to go by.

He could feel her nails scratch him as she tried to shred the shirt from his shoulders, and when she started pleading, he knew something wasn’t right.

She sounded like the women in his village during their heats and when he buried his face in her neck causing her to hump against him harder, she smelled like it too.

That wasn’t possible though.

Her integration wasn’t complete, she shouldn’t be going through this so quickly.

Kylo could feel a touch of panic hit him when he saw tears welling in her eyes and what had felt like fire running in his veins turned to ice.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck.

_Did Ben do something wrong?_

No, no he would have sensed something, and she never would have made it through the forest in her right mind as much as she did if Ben hadn’t made sure she was dosed and scented correctly.

_Did his mother get the chemicals for the lotion wrong?_

The thought was gone before it formed. His mother never got this stuff wrong and he couldn’t count the amount of years she had been making their lotion. Not to mention she would have made absolutely sure it was perfect for him and Rey.

_Maybe he went too far too soon? The Gods punishing him Ben indulging in her before they were technically supposed to?_

If he weren’t absolutely sure the Gods were listening, he would curse them right now for their round about rules and mind fuck traditions, because it was hurting Rey right now.

He calmed with a sigh though.

He couldn’t be too mad at them though.

They were the ones that were going to allow Rey to be with him forever.

If only he could get her through his anomaly.

He laid her on the bed and she was officially sobbing now.

Thankfully the other guys were knocked out from the forest or he would probably be getting the shit beat out of him right now.

He was sure that Poe would love to have a reason to try and beat the shit out of him right now while accusing him of hurting Rey in some way.

Running his hands through his hair pulling it to try and anchor himself, his thoughts were racing to find a solution.

He couldn’t believe she was in heat, he just couldn’t.

Kylo had seen the integration process multiple times on both men and women.

Never had a person completed the turn off of the grounds of the Hargan, before the Midsummer festival had even started and not to mention actually made it to their heat.

For all of his skepticism, the proof was staring him in the face crying like she would die if he didn’t fuck her brains out right now.

He wanted to cry because he couldn’t help her.

Not without hurting them both in the long run, but he couldn’t just let her go on like this either.

She would go mad.

He had backed against the door unknowingly, and she started screaming scaring the shit out of him.

Kylo could feel his eyes bulge and he raced to hold her down when she started thrashing, this caused her to go back to just sniffling thankfully.

For her to be in this stage of the heat she had to have been on the edge for days.

_How had Ben not noticed?_

He thought with a growl.

His growl surprisingly seemed to calm Rey somewhat, allowing him to think more but it was still hard with his hands holding her wrists and knees bracketing her hips.

She was trying to get to him, rubbing against the apex of his legs with her groin arching her back enticingly.

His cock had wilted somewhat in the face of her very unsexy pain, but her scent hadn’t allowed it to go down all the way and now she was stoking the fire again.

Kylo’s mind raced through all of the rules and traditions he would be breaking by doing this, but also willing to punch anyone, Gods or not if they wanted to punish him for trying to help her in such unprecedented circumstances.

“Rey.”

His attempt to get her attention was ignored when she would stop crying and straining against him.

He felt her pain, and he wanted it to stop.

His anger was getting the better of him, not anger at her, but anger at himself.

He wasn’t even sure if what he was going to try would even do anything, let alone make her okay until he could get her to his mother.

He shook his head when she wouldn’t listen.

“Rey, stop now.”

Nothing. Just pouting lips and hazy eyes.

“Stop!”

He barked it at her, and she stopped moving.

It was eerie how still she was.

Aside from blinking and the heavy rise and fall of her chest she was completely still and limp against the bed.

“Now listen to me.”

She moved her eyes to his and he truly knew he had all of her attention right now.

He had always thought the control an Alpha mate had over the Omega was interesting, that to be able to control or make someone do something might be sexy.

Staring at Rey though, like this, not in her right mind, and doing every little thing he said without any of her fire or personality made him hate the power.

She was like a doll, and he hated it.

Kylo felt like he had swallowed something disgusting.

The weight of the responsibly of a true mate hit him, and it took his breath away.

He was excited and terrified.

Kylo clutched her to him feeling her limp form in his arms.

Whispered his command in her ear.

“Sleep.”

 **AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback(constructive please lol). I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), Tumblr(AmyM32687), or DeviantArt(Rogue-Slayer) to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


	13. I'm baaack please don't hate me?

**AN: First of all, I have to apologize to all of you who have commented and love my story. I had no intentions of leaving you all hanging for so long.**

**I have been depressed after my father passing last year, and then all of the with Covid. My son started pre-K this year and I have been so stressed about him and his safety in these times.**

**Also, I am still working and not from home this entire time, so I have been dealing with that. Not that I am not grateful to still have a job, because I totally am. But it has all accumulated into this amalgamation of bullshit I have had to wade through to produce this.**

**You have my humblest apologies and I present this as a peace offering for what it is worth.**

**I know I don’t deserve it, but I need a favor from all of you who read and like this story. I need to know there is still interest here. I have reached a point where it is feasible for me to start writing again emotionally and timetable wise, but I want to know that on top of my own need to finish this that there is an audience for it as well.**

**I probably don’t deserve that after abandoning you guys, but it’s what I need for the story.**

Rey was used to weird or unexplainable things happening to her or just in her life.

Funnily enough despite these moments she hadn’t ever really been a huge believer in the supernatural.

The incidents were more prominent as a kid, things around her would hover off the ground or she would bring things to herself that she wanted were the big ones.

Everyone would overlook these things because no one ever really witnessed them, they just thought she was a good climber or thief.

The clincher had been when she had once made a nun bring her another blanket because she was cold.

The nun reported not remembering the situation at all when questioned.

She was told by the nuns in between blows to her back that when weird things happened, she was to ignore them and pray, they would stop or go away, she should never give in to the weird feelings, never accept any of the things she wanted that came to her or she would burn in hell.

That she was bad, cursed and that was why things happened.

No family would want her if she was bad.

Whether by her own will or the nun’s beatings something around that time had made the moments of strangeness lessen in frequency, and allowed her to be adopted by her parents.

She knew the nuns were happy to see the demon child go, and she never missed the lashes across her back or the religious propaganda they constantly shoved down her throat to make her hate herself.

A shiver brought her back to herself, broken from her depressing thoughts and doing her best to forget the past.

Rey had laid in bed for a little while after waking up, just focusing her thoughts and taking stock of herself.

How she could feel both exhausted and revitalized at the same time was confusing, but it was the smokey, spicy pungent smell that surrounded her that finally got her to rise from the bed despite not wanting to move for the next week.

The smell permeated the room.

It made her nose twitch.

Lifting her shirt over her nose, she took a cautious sniff.

Rey pulled the shirt away in surprise.

It was her.

She did the same with her panties as she changed them.

Even stronger but still the same smell.

The same scent was strangely dispersed through the cabin at certain points, like it was put there deliberately to waft itself through the room to keep it more concentrated.

Why could she smell herself so well, but at the same time not stink?

She had never been able to smell herself this well if she wasn’t gross as fuck, but right now, she felt more refreshed and cleaner than she ever had.

So now she knew where the smell was coming from, she kept trying to analyze it, taking deep whiffs through her nose and out of her open mouth.

It was dark, if a scent could be a color, that is what this would be, and it coated the back of her throat like she had downed a particularly thick milkshake.

The more of the smell she took in the weaker her knees became and she started smelling for where it was coming from almost compulsively.

She knew if anyone could see her, they would think she was crazy but she needed to know what was making that smell.

She tore the room apart barely noticing that she was tearing through a bag that looked suspiciously like the bag Kylo brought, and there the emanator of the delicious scent was buried in the bottom of the bag.

Lifting the item up she tilted her head inquisitively looking at them.

A pair of panties?

She couldn’t exactly see the color other than that they might be dark, like a red, or maybe black thanks to the windowless hut.

Pulling them up to her face both to study them closer and get more of the scent she noticed that these would be way too small for Kylo, so maybe they were a woman’s?

The growl that tore from her chest at the thought scared and shocked her.

It could have been interpreted as being more like a cough or a rattled grunt, but she had never had her cough sound like an enraged dog before.

After what had happened between them the other…

Night?

Day?

Rey could see why she might feel a bit possessive but this was something new.

She wanted to find a metaphorical woman and tear her apart.

That didn’t sound sane.

Shaking her head Rey tried to focus, looking closer at the undergarment

Now that she thought about it, they looked like they might be familiar.

The texture was weird too, almost hard? Crusty?

She brought them up to her nose and took a decadent sniff allowing her olfactory senses to absorb the smell.

Eyes rolling into the back of her head, mouth filling with saliva just on the edge of dripping from between her slack lips.

There was a noise outside that startled her into dropping the panties.

She hurriedly changed her clothes wondering what exactly had happened, and if anyone would be able to explain what the fuck was happening here.

Not to mention why she woke up feeling so off.

Maybe she was getting sick with some weird forest disease.

Not bothering to clean her mess in the hut, she made her way out the door.

When she exited feeling simultaneously more refreshed and exhausted than she ever had, she was shocked when Hux was the first she noticed almost right in front of the hut.

He informed her curtly but dreamily that it was almost a whole day after they arrived to the waiting huts.

There was a hazy almost blank look in Hux’s usually alert all seeing eyes.

It was creepy as fuck.

Her eyes followed him as he aimlessly wandered off, but still steering clear almost instinctively from the forest line, weaving between the huts which had started to receive more people judging by the bags in front of them.

He wasn’t the only one acting off though.

Finn and Poe were cuddling quite openly, and when she waved at them sheepishly, they barely glanced at her following her hand like it was the most interesting thing they had ever seen before going back to each other speaking softly.

She sat around a fire that seemed out of place in the bright daylight, but glancing at her phone the time was nine at night.

Rey took in the smells and how beautiful the sky was.

She would have thought that the sunlight would be harsh and annoying after being inside for so long, but it wasn’t.

It was like being bathed in a soft warmth similar to a blanket or sweater.

Laying on the grass and absorbing as much of sun seemed like a better and better idea the longer, she sat there her eyes slowly closing.

There was no sign of Kylo, and for some strange reason she noted that it was getting easier to think of him as Kylo and not Ben.

Maybe it was the distinct shift in personality and stance, that made her feel that Kylo was much more appropriate a name.

Stretching her muscles again, enjoying the pull and burn of them now that it wasn’t so jarring, she took time to take stock of her body once more.

She felt like a live wire was running through her blood.

She wanted to run. She wanted to play.

Taking a deep breath made her head swim.

She could smell so much now it was overwhelming.

Even touching her own hair made her feel drunk with sensation.

It was so soft but slightly springy.

Her thoughts seemed to be moving too fast for her to catch as well.

One thing would pop into her head and another would chase it before she had even had time to catalogue the first.

Was she going insane?

Had she been drugged?

She couldn’t help thinking that this might be exactly how crazy felt, and on top of that she had no one to talk about any of this with.

It was at the end of that line of thought that she saw him.

Kylo walked out of the tree line like she had summoned him from thin air.

Rey bit her lip, and felt her entire body tingle.

Her pussy clenched remembering what had happened between them once again and the way he had manhandled her, lifting her against the wall.

That feeling of loss of control was everything she had ever wanted from Poe over the last four years, and Kylo had managed to make her feel it in less than an evening.

The chemistry between them was dangerous, volatile, and she wanted more even if she acknowledged that that might be a bad idea.

Especially right now.

Rey knew that now wasn’t the time for that, weird things were going on and she needed to let Kylo know about them.

Maybe she was overthinking things like always, and he had an explanation.

She could hope anyway.

Rey would really like to not be going crazy.

She sighed, and took him in fully and her breath caught the closer he came.

He looked so much bigger than just a day ago before she passed out, broader and thicker all around, though associating him with the word thick right now caused her face to flame.

Dark, sable hair fell across his forehead artfully and dark lashes swept upturned cheek bones thanks to the upward tilt of his unique long face.

As she made her way to his lips which were turned up in a smile that was uncharacteristic of the usually dower man Rey clenched her fists on her knees, mottling the flesh and feeling sharper than usual nails biting into her palms.

It was then that she noticed that he wasn’t alone.

He was talking with another man who had emerged from the tree line with him.

They were smiling at each other, so clearly, they knew each other.

The other man was shorter and stockier in the middle than Kylo, with dark hair and chocolate skin that shined where the sun hit it, squared face and jawline covered in a slight well-trimmed beard and goatee.

Just as Rey was starting to feel like a creeper watching the two without their knowledge Kylo glanced over as if he felt her stare.

He looked relieved and nervous.

More nervous than she had seen him since they arrived, but she shook it off.

He was probably relieved she was awake after so long asleep, she could imagine his area didn’t need any more bad press like Rose told her about, for instance, a girl falling into a coma in the middle of the woods.

She stood up running her hands down her shirt at their steady approach.

Acknowledging the lingering glance from the older man with a thin smile she turned her attention to Kylo.

 **AN: Please Comment and Kudos if you enjoyed! I love feedback. I will respond to each comment as soon as I can and before I post the next chapter.** **Also, check out my Twitter(@Rogue_Slayer), to check out my art pieces! I draw a lot of fanart from My Hero Academia(Kacchako fan) and Steven Universe among others. I have started working on a few Reylo pieces too, and I do commissions! <3**


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